Guardian All Ears 26th July

A PROPER Oompa Loompa (with added eye poke!)



I was about to overtake a man who was walking along the pavement in front of me when I caught wind of his mobile phone conversation and reduced speed to try and hear more of what he was saying. I made a swift diagnosis of what was going down and came to the assumption that he was talking to the mother of his kid, a woman he no longer lived with, and who had called him to ask why their daughter was in a bad mood.

Man: (wearily) "Well she got home from school and she was all upset, there doing Charlie and the Chocolate factory as the school play, they've cast her as an Oompa Loompa, she isn't happy…no of course not…she wanted to be a human."

He was silent for a minute while he listened to her response.

Man: "Yeah but it's more than that. She says the same kids that got the lead parts before have got the lead parts again…exactly…so I said well if you don't like something you have to speak up in life, I want her to know that this is how things are in life and this is what you do, you gotta speak up…she wasn't keen, she said they're teachers, you can't argue with the teachers…"

He listened for a moment and then his tone changed became harsher.

Man: "If there's a reason she doesn't know the difference between asking a question and having an argument, whose fault is that?"

There was evidently an emphatic response from the other end.

Man: "Ok, I'm sorry…well in the end I said to her, who do people remember from the story? It's Willy Wonka, Charlie and the Oompa Loompas, it's a big part…no, she wasn't buying it. She just wants to be a human."

Article by Michael Holden
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