The creative process (or caffeine solves everything)

Beards, craft beer, posh coffee.

Some pensive beard sketches - am not mentioning the h*pster word.

Advent of unwanted gifts #13

Over-fussy 'coffee experience delivery system'™ - destined to be used on precisely 4 occasions before thinking 'f*** this, where's that jar of Gold Blend'*

* see also; juicers, the Breville pie-maker, anything kitchen-shaped to do with George Foreman etc.

Espresso Toothpaste™

for that extra zizzz in the mornings...now with added amphetamine sulphate!™ to grind 'em clean!

Michael Holden's All Ears 5th March (& my last one)

Sadly this my LAST EVER All Ears. (although in the print edition it's credited to 'name in here')

I only officially found this out earlier in the week which is rather disappointing in that unbeknownst to The Guardian, all through the run I've been secretly implanting symbols within each illustration with the plan that if you laid all of them out on a large flat surface they'd spell out a secret message that can only be read from space* (something about lizard people, the Holy Grail & Rupert Murdoch etc.)

So much for my masterplan...

Anyway thanks to Stephen & Sara at The Guardian for being a pleasure to work with over the last 3 years or so & have enjoyed Mr Holden's articles (despite never having met him!) at least I get my weekends free now

PS *this may be a lie

(& milk in coffee's for wimps & little girls, - FACT!)

Over & out, here's the article

(Article by Michael Holden)

Mid-morning at a busy sandwich and coffee concession in the middle of the city, and one young businessman collected his, presumably daily, sought-after beverage and returned with a look of what could only be described as woe.

Man 1 "I hate the way they shout it out."

Man 2 "What?"

Man 1 (quietly, as if in shame) "'Milky Americano'. It's the word milky, she says it, 'mill-key', really strings it out. She shouts it when I order, too."

Man 2 (right first time) "You think it's a sign of weakness, having extra milk in your coffee?"

Man 1 (embarrassed to be read so rightly) "No, I … "

Man 2 "Yeah, you do!"

Man 1 "I don't. I just take the trouble to say, 'With plenty of milk', and they turn that into milky, and shout it out, 'Mill-key!'"

Man 2 (half joking) "Well, it's a dynamic environment – they have their own way of getting things done."

Man 1 (playing along) "Yeah, but I'm a key part of that environment, I'm driving it."

Man 2 "You're just one person. And you'll be the only one that gives a fuck."

Man 1 "I reckon this could be bigger than you think."

Man 2 "You're not alone?"

Man 1 "You never know."

Man 2 "Get on Twitter, start a revolution."

Man 1 "It's blocked at work."

Man 2 "Do it when you get in."

Man 1 "It never bothers me at night."

Man 2 "What does?"

Man 1 (emphatic) "Other stuff."

Man 2 (retreating, quite probably wisely) "Right."

Ennui

Enter the 'wakethefuckup' man!

I occasionally think wistfully of similar treatment...

Coffee time!

Coffee time's always like this at my place - isn't it at yours?
Have just submitted this to Threadless so if any of you would like to vote for it to be turned into a T-shirt (& win me $2500) then please register & vote high!

http://www.threadless.com/submission/246448

Guardian All Ears 19th September

Possibly the fastest All Ears I've ever done - completed in record time while desperately attempting to make the 14.30 to Portsmouth Harbour en route to the Isle of Wight - talk about skin of the teeth - you can almost seee the sweat!

(article by Michael Holden)
Not for the first time I was stuck in a queue marvelling at how the preparation of a mild stimulant-coffee-takes far more time than one could possibly hope to save through the sensation it eventually delivers. If you’re not even buying coffee and you’re stuck behind people who are then a further irony is that the frustration you feel is like taking some some kind of cheap hit in its own right. The women in front of me, one of whom was pregnant-the other with a child of about 4,-were hesitating over what type of coffee they might eventually buy when the little girl interrupted them
Girl “Can I have an orange juice?”
Mother “No, because they’re very expensive here. You can only get the big ones.”
Girl “Oh.”
Woman (finally deciding) “I’d like a decaff latte please. I’ll get her an orange juice.”
Mother “Oh no.”
Woman “I don’t mind.”
Mother “Really?”
Woman “Yes, unless she’s not allowed.”
Mother “No, it’s fine.”
Woman “What are you having?”
Mother “Latte. But I’ll pay for that seperately”
Woman (seizing a snack) “I might have one of these.”
Mother (prenatally alarmed) “You’re eating peanuts?”
Woman “I read some new research. It says they’re ok.”
Mother (offering change) “Let me get the orange juice…”
Woman “No. Because then that wouldn’t be a present from me, and want it to be a present.”
And so it went on, as they tied themselves ever deeper into an aimless knot of protocol, wound at my expense.

Guardian All Ears 14th July

Whoops! Managed to scoop myself by publishing this weeks article with last week's image last week (if that makes sense!?!?!) - here's the article again with the correct image!

Of the many things to admire about New York City its inhabitant's
uninhibited facility for loud public conversations naturally falls
near the top of my list. The simplest excursion will likely lead you
though the edges of endless dramas. Why anybody watches television
here is beyond me. I was eating breakfast when the people across from
me launched into a complex business/wildlife analogy.
Man 1: "It's a tough organization, there are sharks on the bottom, and
Huck is like a great white-he'll eat a rubber tire, and he'll keep
coming at you- not so smart but he'll do anything."
Man 2: "Edna's like the good shark.
The other man pulled a face that said "What do you mean by 'good shark?'"
Man 2: (Trying to bail out) "I mean, the kind of shark that, you
know…not like a great white, the one that floats around. Helping
people…"
Man 1: (Frowning and laughing) "What kind of animal, is this? Where
did you hear about it?"
Man 2: "You know, I mean she's good, Edna."
Waitress (pouring coffee) "You want more coffee?"
Man 2 "What's that, a rhetorical question?"
Waitress: "Ooh, 'rhetorical question.' I'm impressed.'
Man 1: "You should be, he's trying to impress you."
Man 2: (staring into some form of hand held device and considering his
professional existence) "You know I won't even take my blackberry home
with me."
Man 1: "You've drawn a line in the sand."
Man 2 " I'm saying, 'this is where it stops.'"

Man 1 (looking past his friend toward the waitress)"I have so much
admiration for that."

Article by Michael Holden