(Article by Michael Holden)
I was early for an appointment on what felt like a busy morning and so I ducked into a pub. A pub that, was selling beer for less than two pounds a pint and had thus become a haven for those more thirsty than employed, in this case two old chaps who were asking the barman what plans he had to avoid spending the rest of his life where they had elected to spend theirs.
Barman “I’m going to Paraguay.”
Man 1 “Paraguay?”
Barman “There’s no beaches or anything. It’s landlocked.”
Man 1 “Jesus.”
Man 2 “Are you coming back?”
Barman “Maybe.”
Man 2 “You’ve to finish your studies?”
Barman “Yeah.”
Man 2 “Good lad.”
The barman walked away, doubtless thrilled with his commendation and the two men talked amongst themselves.
Man 1 “You know I’m on the disability now? Sixty pound a week.”
Man 2 “Is it your feet?”
Man 1 “Aye. They’ve turned against me.”
Man 2 “I woke up with one shoe on and one shoe off the other day. I might give up drinking.”
Man 1 “You’d be missed.”
Man 2 “How?”
Man 1 “Well, you’re the town drunk.”
Man 2 “Am I?”
Man 1 “Yeah. Like Lee Marvin, in that film.”
Man 2 “What film?”
Man 1 “The one where he’s fucking drunk!”
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