Why witches have black cats...

The Haunted Pipe & other stories...

Just in time for Halloween (what do you mean you've never read the Haunted Pipe?!?!)

Behold, the donut truck!

I was heartened to see a group of NYC cops all eating donuts on my first & only visit to Staten Island many years ago thus fulfilling a cliché for me. The truck was not being driven by a cat much to my consternation - this is called artistic licence*

*also known as 'fibbing a bit'

BOO!

Matching coats

Bash Street Bandits!

I'm currently in the middle of drawing the inside illustrations for this for this but here's a sneak peek at the cover for the next Diary of Dennis the Menace book 'Bash Street Bandit!' written by Steven Butler & published by Puffin Books & will be in the shops in February 2015!

Monster Facts #11

Monster Facts - Even monsters have to do their laundry but are often less than happy if anybody sees them doing it - usually best to leave them to it... (see 'monsters & vegetarianism')

fag break

Dinosaur hiding in ice cream van (slight return)

Where else would you hide if you were a Brontosaurus* at the seaside?

*I know, there's no such thing as a Brontosaurus see previous Apatosaurus post

Disclaimer : Occasionally my detractors take issue with accuracy / plausibility of some of my images & with this one I will hold up my hands & admit that Fab lollies & Sky Rays were probably made by different ice cream firms so might not really co-exist within the same van. I am extremely sorry if anyone is offended*

*apart from creationists who spoil dinosaurs for EVERYONE!

Monster Facts #11

Monster Fact: Investing in a good strong monster-proof lock on your front door is a worthy, but ultimately  futile gesture due to monsters & their wiley ways - but hey, if it makes you feel better...

The Economist - 'Criminalising the American Company'

Some recent illustrations I did for The Economist magazine dated 30th August 2014 for an article about 'Criminalising the American Company' (where I somehow managed to avoid giving the cop a doughnut in the picture - great restraint May!) - you can read the article here

Bear swing

Ursine swing inconvenience causes consternation!

Dinosaur hiding in ice cream van.

This is what we all called a Brontosaurus when I was a dinosaur obsessed child but is apparently really an Apatosaurus due to various paleontological cock ups.
(I still prefer Brontosaurus shhhh!)

Illustrators for War Child

I'm pleased to be included in  a charity illustration auction organised by the lovely Leigh Hodgkinson to raise money for War Child a charity who provide life-changing support to the most vulnerable children whose families, communities and schools have been torn apart by war.

A group of talented illustrators (most of whom are children's book illustrators) have generously donated their artwork for this cause. Work in this auction ranges from signed prints, original artwork, signed books, and other wonderful items.

You can find out more at the website & you can bid for the artwork here It's for a very good cause - happy bidding!

This is my offer which is an ORIGINAL & SIGNED (yep, I can write my name too!) pen & ink drawing called 'Ketchup?' which you can bid for here

Happy (rainy) Monday!

Seemed apt today somehow, please come back summer!

Cats, trumpets, elephants & more...

These new prints were designed & drawn specifically for a private commission recently - lots of fun to draw & incorporate certain specific references in the artwork to personalise them.
They also happen to have some of my favourite things in them, elephants, cats, penguins, balloons & pizza (in no particular order)

Let there be drums!

Scooby Snacks

Last night I dreamed about attempting to see how deep a sandwich I could fit into my mouth in one bite. It wasn't fun & was a fairly nasty sandwich, paté in white sliced, (but the kind of paté that everyone called 'liver sausage' in the '70s) 

I have no idea what this says about me - answers on a postcard...

Singing your heart out!

Wonderful to hear an old lady on the Victoria line this morning sporting HUGE headphones & singing her heart extremely LOUDLY out completely oblivious to all the other passengers - cue outbreak of smiles amidst the usual 'tube embarassment' - priceless!

Magic friendly unicorn headpiece™!

Make up for personality deficiencies & general awfulness with a magic friendly unicorn headpiece™.

Everyone loves unicorns huh? Nobody likes you? Unicorn wins every time, job  done!

World Cat Day - official merchandise

Yes, it's World Cat Day (apparently) so why not purchase an official* World Cat Day Collar of Shame™?

(* this is a rather loose definition of 'official' - may contain lies)

Monster Facts #10

Monster Fact : Monsters do not receive mandatory holiday pay & rarely take time off - it is considered wise not to disturb them when they do*

*This also applies to freelance illustrators, crocodiles et al. Dogs, as EVERYBODY knows have Wednesday afternoons off.

Dennis the Menace - Rollercoaster Riot!

 Diary of Dennis the Menace 3 - Rollercoaster Riot written by Steven Butler & scribbled all over by me is published today by Puffin books!

All aboard THE VOMIT COMET! Guess what fellow menaces - The World's Biggest Rollercoaster is opening in Beanoland this summer! I just need to win an easy-peasy competition to be the first Bash Street School student to ride it - and I might have to trick a few Softies as well . . .

As usual this has been a riot to draw (see what I did there?) & am looking forward to the next book immensely - KEEP MENACING KIDS!

Silly Name for a Monster - publication day!

 'Silly Name for a Monster' written by Timothy Knapman & illustrated by me is out today published by Scholastic.

'Once upon a time if you wanted to be a hero, you had to have a proper, hero-sounding name. And if you wanted to be a big scary monster, it was no good unless your name was big and scary too. But when all the proper-sounding heroes can't defeat the most menacing monster in the kingdom, the king offers his whole kingdom to whoever can beat it. Could Stinkpot succeed? Even with such a silly name?'

It's got scary monsters, heroes, donkeys, knights in pink frilly knickers & INCREDIBLY SILLY NAMES! I think you should go out & buy it!

You can order it from here or preferably get your best pair of pink frilly knickers on pop into your local bookshop & get it there!

Wednesday hedonism!

Monster Fact #9

Monster fact : Very BIG monsters can fit through very SMALL holes

Damned lions!

For old times' sake I bought a ticket to see The Damned a couple of days back then due to another conversation I was inspired to think about how a lion with Dave Vanian's* hair would look - goth lion anyone?

*Could also apply to Morticia Addams & possibly Caitlin Moran

Permeablity technologist at work

Musing at breakfast over the weekend at the optimum time for tea bags to be infused & realising how unsung the job of the Permeability Technologist is.

It's Thursday! Jump around in your pants!

It's Thursday, the sun's out, it's probably the only sensible thing to do. Tell your boss 'Steve said it'd be fine'* grab a glass of something cold & head out there!

*NB 'fine' can be a somewhat moveable feast

When cocktails talk back

Monster Facts #8

Monster Fact: Monster breath is terrible. Many beautiful would-be monster relationships are de-railed early on by halitosis*.

(*See also monster diets)

Monster Facts #7

Monster fact: Up to 95% of domestic 'lost sock' incidents are the result of monster activity

Monster Facts #6

Monster Fact: Monsters love ice cream, but mainly when it's somebody else's ice cream.

See also monster diets

Monster Facts #5

Monster Fact: The dark is composed of at least 70% monsters (& at least 10% horrible creepy crawlies) - very much like the percentage of cocoa solids in posh chocolate but much SCARIER!

Monster Facts #4

Monster Fact: You know when people say "they won't hurt you they're just being friendly"? * or, "they're more scared of you than you are of them"?*

These are abject BIG FAT LIES. Run away now!

(*see also big vicious dogs with dumb owners)

(*see also spiders)

Monster facts #3

Monster fact : Vegetarianism is EXTREMELY uncommon. Their favourite dinner is invariably YOU!

(yeah, yeah, wear the monster deflective tofu armour if it makes you feel better #futilegesture)

Monster facts #2

Yep, sorry to break it to you kids, I'm not making this up...

Sleep tight huh? x

The Wednesday creature

Monster fact : Bloodthirsty monsters always have Wednesdays off to catch up on laundry / e-mails etc.

Here is a candid pen & ink picture of a monster washing his smalls (the artist was nearly devoured in the process of drawing this, monsters are NOTORIOUSLY touchy - I don't make this sh*t up you know!)

Disappointing sandwich

We've ALL been there.

How to draw Dennis the Menace and Gnasher

Me pulling some stupid faces & demonstrating some drawing stuff & nonsense

PS...this is my REAL drawing face