The creative process (or caffeine solves everything)

RIP Steve Jobs

Here's one I posted earlier but quite prescient : (

OS X - Moggy

Hey Mac geeks! Forget your Lions & your Snow Leopards, what happens when apple run out of animal names... shoddy budget OS anybody?

Nice pear...

there's a theme developing here (I seem to remember all computers were named after fruit & vegetables in the '80s - there was definitely an Acorn & an Apricot?)

Mac reaper?

...or for the more morbid computer user

Carrot

What with all these Snow Leopards etc. anyone else thinking Apple have missed a trick?

Guardian All Ears 13th December

(article by Michael Holden)

I was queuing to buy a ticket at a railway station for some time when a man appeared and apologised for the extended delay and said that it was due to a systems failure.
Typically, no one in the line confronted him about what that might mean, but as soon as he had gone everyone starting whining about it, especially the two restless business types behind me.
Man 1 “Unbelievable!”
Man 2 “Computers though, innit? We’re at their mercy.”
Man 1 “My old man just got one.”
Man 2 “How old is he?”
Man 1 “He’s 80.”
Man 2 “What’s he want with a computer?”
Man 1 “I hate to think. Whatever he wants it for it’s my problem now. I showed him the basics, he acted like he understood. But he knows literally nothing: windows, update, delete, it’s all brand new.”
Man 2 “Well it can wind you up the best of times, the old IT.”
Man 1 “As soon as he told me he’d got one I knew it would be a nightmare, but what can you do?”
Man 2 “Say you don’t know nothing about ’em!”
Man 1 (aghast) “Whoa, no, you can’t do that! Someone’s taught you how to walk and talk and wiped your arse, you can’t turn round and act like you can’t help ’em figure something out.”
Man 2 “Yeah, but still, come on. It’s not your problem is it?”
Man 1 “Of course it is!”
Man 2 “What, so if your old man bought… a hovercraft…”
Man 1 “I’d be straight round.”
The other man looked at him hard, as if his theoretical availability in a potential hovercraft/father scenario had made him see him in a new light •

Bang! Crash! Bah!

Portrait of the artist mid crash-tantrum! Horrible sense of déja vu while one redraws everything from the last half hour...grrr

So sue me Mr Jobs...

...Apple might be unhappy with my 'grim-reaper-brand-association' schtick in this week's Guardian but I love a good law suit - always good for publicity damnit!

(Article by Michael Holden)
I had a table to myself on a train for a while but as the journey went on my seclusion was punctured by a couple that came and sat opposite me and began prodding at a laptop.

Man: “Do you want to see some thing really depressing?”

Woman “What, off the internet?”

Man “No. They don’t have that here. This is something on the computer. I look at it from time to time and I just…well, it blows me away.”

Woman “Will I like it?”

Man “You’re not meant to like it.”

Woman “I mean will it upset me.”

Man “Well, I dunno. I suppose it’s more poignant than upsetting. It’s just the calendar.”

Woman “The calendar?”

Man “Yeah, check it out.”

He began pawing extensively at the device’s touchpad.

Man “Look, it goes backwards, it’s like you’re going back in time.”

Woman “Why would you need that?”

Man “I don’t know, but look, there goes the year I was born. This is normally when I start feeling sad.”

Woman “ I see what you mean. It’s a bit weird watching all the years roll by.”

Man “I did it for ages once, you can scroll back to 1900, well actually it shows New Year’s Eve 1899, but that’s just because of the way the week’s laid out.”

Woman “What about the future”

Man “Eh?”

Woman “How far can you see into the future.”

Man “I’ve never tried.”

Woman (excited) “Let’s do it!”

Man (turning off laptop) “No, no. The battery might run out.”