Monday, 27 September 2010
Saturday, 25 September 2010
I'm showing a couple of pieces of work as part of this group exhibition at the Graffik Gallery 284 Portobello Road, London from 4th - 6th October
If you're interested in coming e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org for entry
More details on the Facebook page here
as they say...It's all done with computers these days, I just press a button then f*** off for a massage & a cocktail usually...
(Article by Michael Holden)
It was All Ears' good fortune to be in New York last week, feeding bread into a rotary toaster at a breakfast buffet, when two young lions of the leisure industry – all shirts and laptops – joined the queue behind me.
Man 1 (clearly in awe of his subject) "We have quarterly meetings, and he's nothing but questions."
Man 2 (of the same opinion) "That's why these guys are who they are. He was an account manager at Morgan Stanley. They see things we don't see."
Man 1 "He's way down in the weeds. We were meeting and he starts asking how the chambermaids know when the room is checked out."
Man 2 "Shit!"
Man 1 "That's what I'm talking about. He doesn't have to worry about that."
Man 2 "But he does!"
Man 1 "Exactly. These guys are spinning stuff around and we don't even feel the motion."
Man 2 (rightly puzzled) What do you mean?"
Man 1 "They're way out there."
Man 2 (like that helped) "Right."
Man 1 "You can't learn that shit. It's instinctive."
Man 2 "The success instinct."
Man 1 "Damn right."
Man 2 "So what did you say?"
Man 2 "About the chambermaids."
Man 1 "Oh right. Well how the fuck would I know? I said I'd get back to him."
Man 2 "So how do they know?"
Man 1 "I don't know. I haven't asked yet."
Man 2 "Don't they just knock on the door, or phone the desk?"
Man 1 "No. I'm guessing there's computers involved."
Friday, 24 September 2010
A few of the inside illustrations from the new Boy Zero book 'Attack of the Brain-Dead Breakdancing Zombies' by Peter Millett, published by Faber
Steal your mum's credit card kids & order YOUR copy here...
Just received a copy of the second in the series of Boy Zero books by Peter Millett which I illustrated the cover & the insides
You can score a copy here...
Saturday, 18 September 2010
This week's article kind of made my skin crawl...I hope yours does too kids!
(Article by Michael Holden)
Being a compulsive listener, I try and keep my staring to a minimum as a kind of trade-off, but there are some things you can't take your eyes off, and some of them are talking too. In this case, it was a couple in a cafe: a man in his 50s with cigarette-yellow skin talking to a much younger woman whose pallor seemed mainly makeup.
Man (with sinister smile) "Say, 'Pretty please.'"
Woman (hesitant, and with a heavy accent) "Pretty please."
Man (squeezing her thigh) "Very good! You best hurry up or I'll be lonely."
Woman (halting again) "I try."
Man "I'll be quick. I do everything quickly. I used to run quickly. But now I need a new knee."
Woman "I have an English lesson."
Man "I do a special lesson. Very intensive, one to one. Over in the pub. We drink, we kiss. I teach you something, we have another glass of wine.
Woman (not visibly displeased by this proposal) "Perhaps."
Man "How far away from Prague do you live, is there a motorway?"
Man (miming driving) "A fast road?"
She still didn't understand.
Woman "I must see Peter."
Woman "Peter is problem?"
Man "No. I said I don't mind. Go now and come back quickly, or I shall be very sad. You understand?"
He mimed wiping tears away by way of illustration.
Woman (smiling) "Don't be sad."
She got up, left, and when I looked away I realised – the only one unhappy with the situation was probably me.
Thursday, 16 September 2010
Tuesday, 14 September 2010
Sunday, 12 September 2010
I always feel cheated if I take a numbered ticket & don't end up with a cheese based product in the end...
(article by Michael Holden)
Strange places, hospital pharmacies. They appear to be capable of spending so long assembling the medication that high-street chemists move like professional martial artists by comparison. And yet the fact that you are here, collecting your own drugs, rather than lying in bed upstairs receiving them intravenously, breeds a gratitude that helps to nullify delays. I took a ticket and sat down, as an older couple on my right began to examine theirs.
Woman "I can't see what it is."
Woman "What it says."
Woman "The ticket."
Man "What about it?"
Woman "Is it 89 or 68?"
Woman (turning the ticket around in front of him to illustrate her dilemma) "89 or 68, see? Which is it?"
It was 89. I knew this because my number was 93. I was poised to intervene when the man, having grasped the situation, sprang into action and approached the pharmacy window.
Woman (sensing trouble) "Sit down."
Man (undeterred) "What's this, then?"
Man (pinning the ticket to the security glass) "89 or 68?"
Pharmacist "It's 89, 68 has gone."
The man came back.
Man "It's 89."
Woman (snatching it back) "I heard her."
She seemed furious at his intervention. He sank down by her side as the pharmacist called their number.
Woman (handing him back the ticket) "About time."
Thursday, 9 September 2010
Wednesday, 8 September 2010
My short phantasmagorical rabbit & flying saucer strewn creep-fest 'Rabbits' just won the Gold award for New Media in this year's Association of Illustrators Images awards
Images is the UK's longest running independently jury selected annual of illustration & is now in its 34th year - the awards were held at the London College of Communication in the picturesque environs(!) of Elephant & Castle in London - pictures to follow but meanwhile take a look at the film!
Monday, 6 September 2010
Saturday, 4 September 2010
Reverse Santa...see what I did there? Not my cleverest one I'm afraid! (faintly odd drawing Santa outfit in August while preparing for Carnival too)
(Article by Michael Holden)
In a coffee shop on Saturday, two men were catching up on what they'd been up to during the week. The question of their attendance at the party of a mutual friend came to dominate the agenda.
Man 1 "What was your excuse?"
Man 2 (smiling, untouchable) "I was in Germany."
Man 1 (envious) "Right."
Man 2 "You survived then?"
Man 1 "Well, I bailed out early. With a crowd like that you know what you're in for. It's terrifying, really. Blokes who've been at it for over 30 years, some of them with their sons now – who look just as mental …"
Man 2 "How was the food?"
Man 1 "Shit, as always. But they took the money off you at the door. I tried to get as much of it down as I could to get my money's worth. And then later on the drugs are kicking in and no one's interested. Piles of it just sitting there."
Man 2 "What did you get him?"
Man 1 "Burned a CD."
Man 2 "And what did he make of that?"
Man 1 "Couldn't tell – he did the old reverse Santa."
Man 2 "What's that?"
Man 1 "You bring someone a present, they don't look at it and just chuck it in a sack and fuck off at the end of the evening."
Man 2 "I hate that!"
Man 1 "Me too, but then, what can you do?"
Man 2 "And that's the reverse Santa?"
Man 1 "That's what I call it."
Man 2 "Do you mind if I start using that?"
Man 1 "No, feel free. Take it, say nothing and fuck off with it. It's what anyone else would do." •