Saturday, 18 September 2010
The Guardian - Michael Holden's All Ears 18th September
This week's article kind of made my skin crawl...I hope yours does too kids!
(Article by Michael Holden)
Being a compulsive listener, I try and keep my staring to a minimum as a kind of trade-off, but there are some things you can't take your eyes off, and some of them are talking too. In this case, it was a couple in a cafe: a man in his 50s with cigarette-yellow skin talking to a much younger woman whose pallor seemed mainly makeup.
Man (with sinister smile) "Say, 'Pretty please.'"
Woman (hesitant, and with a heavy accent) "Pretty please."
Man (squeezing her thigh) "Very good! You best hurry up or I'll be lonely."
Woman (halting again) "I try."
Man "I'll be quick. I do everything quickly. I used to run quickly. But now I need a new knee."
Woman "I have an English lesson."
Man "I do a special lesson. Very intensive, one to one. Over in the pub. We drink, we kiss. I teach you something, we have another glass of wine.
Woman (not visibly displeased by this proposal) "Perhaps."
Man "How far away from Prague do you live, is there a motorway?"
Man (miming driving) "A fast road?"
She still didn't understand.
Woman "I must see Peter."
Woman "Peter is problem?"
Man "No. I said I don't mind. Go now and come back quickly, or I shall be very sad. You understand?"
He mimed wiping tears away by way of illustration.
Woman (smiling) "Don't be sad."
She got up, left, and when I looked away I realised – the only one unhappy with the situation was probably me.