Some Mythical Beasts Walk Into a Bar...

 ...you supply the punchline

Festive Krampuses (Krampi?) with seasonal knitwear.

 Some Krampus commissions - you TOO could own one you lucky people!

(He KNOWS if you've been bad or good & he doesn't give a ****!)

Krampus says...

Krampus is a mythological creature or demon, particular to parts of eastern and northern Europe, especially Austria and Hungary. It is believed that Krampus accompanies Saint Nicholas during the Christmas season, warning and punishing bad children (in contrast to St. Nick, who gives gifts to good children). Due to German and Austrian influence, the myth of Krampus is also prevalent in Croatia, (Czecho)Slovakia, Slovenia and northern Italy.

The word Krampus originates from the Old High German word for claw (Krampen). Traditionally, young men dress up as the Krampus in the first two weeks of December, particularly on the evening of 5 December (St Nicholas' Eve, known in German as 'Krampusnacht'), and roam the streets frightening children and women with rusty chains and bells. In some rural areas the tradition also includes birching - corporal punishment with a birch rod – by Krampus, especially of young girls.

Images of Krampus usually show him with a basket on his back used to carry away bad children and dump them into the pits of Hell. 

#TalkLikeAPirateDay

Just add rum!*


(*Drink sensibly & responsibly kids)

Pinch punch! White rabbits!

Well, that's January over, start as we mean to go on eh? Hello February!

Cat's bum!

Booze, cats, bum references, what else do you need on a Monday morning?

Advent of unwanted gifts #23

Bottle of 'Nan-booze'.

Snowball?!? Everybody knows Advocaat is mainly composed of phlegm (probably) & eggs - We can mainly blame the Belgians for that!

Monster town!

Suited & booted for a good night out!

(to be sung to the tune of Lips Inc.'s 'Funky Town' of course!)

Glass half-full

The Guardian - Michael Holden's All Ears 19th February

After playing with several Gypsy/carpark/well-known-cartoon-character-with-explicit drug-reference combinations I figured this illustratory* route would leave me less on the road to future legal action.
On the other hand the consumption of the kind of beer you only get in gold & black cans on public transport slightly appeals to me but purely for the fact of pissing Boris Johnson off. Me? Childish? You bet!
(I'll shut up, you can read the article here)

(Article by Michael Holden)
Having failed to visibly outrage anyone by drinking lager on the tube, the four young men sat opposite me seemed anxious to raise the stakes by talking openly about cannabis. First, though, they had a more immediate problem – one born of their initial transgression.

Man 1 (distressed) "I need a piss."

Man 2 "This isn't our stop!"

Man 1 (leaving the carriage) "I can't hold on. I'll meet you there."

Man 2 "What's up with him? He's only had, like, one pint."

Man 3 (looking at his can of lager) "I swam through my brother's sick on holiday. I thought it was coral at first – it was all in my goggles and shit. This was on the Great Barrier Reef. It's a sick country, Australia."

Man 4 "Fuck Australia!"

Man 2 (holding a bit of paper) "Make the roach nice, that was one of the first things I learned about smoking."

Man 4 "What's that?"

Man 2 (rolling it up) "It's my bus ticket, keep the white bit on the outside, you have to twist it. That way you get feedback."

Man 3 "Back in the day I used to think I was the don. I used to get bare stoned and just watch The Simpsons. Nobody knew. I was 13."

There was no reaction to this, so he upped the ante.

Man 3 "That was before I got expelled."

Man 4 "Do you wanna get off and fight?"

Man 3 "I fight Gypsies in car parks – like on that show."

Man 4 "Downgrade your status!"

With that they were off, checking as they went to see if anyone had noticed them.

Booze, science, & diagrams

Is this when they usually say 'now here's the science' in adverts?

The Guardian - Michael Holden's All Ears 11th December

Drugs are bad, mmmmmkay? I was originally going for the 'exploding stomach'imagery but decided against it in the end...
http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2010/dec/11/michael-holden-all-ears
(Article by Michael Holden)
Recently I shared a train carriage with two people whose frank exchange of narcotic chit-chat – while not without its tragedies – was at least a break from the norm.

Woman (glad to have bumped into a mate) "I thought you was in prison!"

Man (equally surprised) "I was, I got done with one bag! Donna got off with two! They said 18 months. Then, they said if I plead guilty I'd get seven. But I didn't know nothing about it. I thought I had to do the whole lot. It was a big surprise to me when they let me out."

Woman "So what you gonna do?"

Man "I'm going on the old Naltrexone."

Woman (cautionary) "If you can be bothered every day."

Man (rueful) "I couldn't sleep for a couple of weeks."

Woman "Well you gotta stay positive. What did your mum to say about it?"

Woman "Went ballistic. Thinks I'm gonna end up like my uncle."

Woman "My area's headed for one of them things where there's not that much shit about; when the good stuff comes back people are gonna start dying."

Man "The stuff I got done with came in at 37/38% – I was quite pleased with that. Did you hear about John's foot?"

Woman "Terrible. Nightmare. He was walking about with bits of bone in his pocket!"

Man (more surprised) "Did you hear about Alannah?"

Woman (nodding) "Her stomach exploded."

Man (with contempt) "Booze."

Later on the drinks trolley came wheeling past; the couple waved it by.