Guardian All Ears 7th August

This week's illustration is brought to you by the 'Carry On Book Of Hospital Waiting Room Clichés'...
http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2010/aug/07/michael-holden-all-ears
(Article by Michael Holden)
On first inspection, the local surgery appears to have a good selection of magazines. It's only when you try to read them that you discover half the people in the waiting room were born after they came out. Having perhaps learned the same lesson, a man near to me refused an offer of a Woman's Weekly from his wife, recoiling so visibly that you wondered if such a pathological reaction was why they had come.

Woman "What's up?"

Man "I just … I can't look at 'em any more."

Woman (wearily) "Oh yeah, I forgot."

Man "They're full of … well, it's just shit, isn't it?"

He nodded toward the one she was reading.

Man "'Halle Berry's custody battle.' I mean, who cares, really? What good is that to you or me?"

Woman "I like her."

Man "That's not the point ..."

Woman (quickly) "Don't read it then."

Man "I don't. That's the thing. You turn your back on all that and pretty soon you don't know who's who. I quite like it. The bliss of ignorance. I looked at one the other day and I didn't recognise anyone. I felt sort of free. In the end there was a picture of Ruby Wax – I recognised her. I was quite pleased to see her. And I used to hate Ruby Wax."

Woman (not looking at him) "Yeah?"

Man (after a pause) "What's up with Halle Berry's kids then?"

Woman "Shut up and I may find out."

Man "I don't feel so well."

Woman (with extreme prejudice) "Don't you bloody start!"

He looked at me for consolation. I couldn't meet his gaze.

Breakfast deities #1

Worship him wretched mortals!

Musical Genres #2 - '70s Sitcom Homosexuals

The '70s Sitcom Homosexuals - conceived as a high art / low art post-post ironic performance art / conceptual electronica project - ended up sounding like below par Berlin-era David Bowie with all the good bits taken out (with more songs about alienation, robots & vending machines*.)

*see also Gary Numan

Musical genres # 1 - Random Thud

Wherein the beats can range from 400 bpm down to 1-2 beats in a 24 hour period rendering it 'well jittery!' There are unconfirmed reports of Random Thud club nights lasting for several months

(Alternative All Ears 31st July)

I tried a few different approaches this week (I did consider the decrepit Brian Ferry option honest) The Guardian sensibly went for the pants (see below http://stevemaystuff.blogspot.com/2010/07/guardian-all-ears-31st-july.html)...always go for the pants I say!

Guardian All Ears 31st July

I was thinking of drawing a complex baroque portrait of Brian Ferry in a bath chair but then thought 'f*** it, I'll draw some pants instead'!
http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2010/jul/31/michael-holden-all-ears
(Article by Michael Holden)
Buying some drinks to take outside, I noticed that the pub had filled with men who were exceptionally big. Not in the gym-fit sense, but in the genetically vast sense, and all wearing sensible shoes. So who were they? Cops? Rugby players? Some unholy hybrid of both? The only thing I learned for sure was that they knew a bit about Roxy Music.

Man 1 (clearly the leader) "They weren't that good on Jonathan Ross."

Man 2 (whose function seemed to be to orchestrate the collective response to anything said by Man 1) "No, they weren't."

Man 1 "I went to that 80s thing, that festival. He was there, what was he called? Howard Jones! He was all right. Carol Decker, never had much time for her. Kim Wilde …"

Man 2 (eyes wide)"How was she?"

Man 1 "Well, you still would."

Man 2 "Not half."

(Rest of group "Wahey!")

Man 1 "Then it's Rick Astley. I tell you what, though, he's got the chat. People loved him. Blokes were throwing their pants on stage!"

Man 2 "Mental!"

Man 1 "I saw Ferry do a solo gig at Wembley 20 years ago. You wanna hear the other stuff, but he's just doing his solo stuff. But they weren't all that on Jonathan Ross."

Man 3 (rhetorical) "Well Eno's not there is he?"

Man 1 "Tell you what, I tried to get tickets for Manilow, for the wife and mother-in-law. 249 quid!"

Man 2 "Fuck off!"

Man 1 "Yeah, but what can you do?"

Man 2 (reconciling himself to Manilow's price prerogative) "Yeah."

Festival odds & sods...

Seeing as I almost completely failed to take photos at any festivals this year so far I managed to do lots of drawing