Sunday, 5 December 2010
The Guardian - Michael Holden's All Ears 4th December
In the interests of good taste I avoided illustrating the 'dad's corpse' reference, read on...
(Article by Michael Holden)
Upstairs on a bus, a group of schoolboys were discussing their day when things quickly took a turn for the extreme.
Boy 1 "(talking about a teacher) It's like she's trying to be you friend – she called me 'bred'ren,' which is going too far."
Boy 2 "The other guy is better, I learned bare stuff with him. More in a day with him than I do in week."
Boy 3 "But he's tough, though. He shows you one thing and you get it. And then another thing and you don't. And then he moves on."
Boy 1 "There's a boy in my class – Polish – his name is Olock. He said to me, 'How did you lose that race?' I said, 'Shut up – your name's Olock.
We pulled up by a station and suddenly they got furtive and steered their friend toward the window.
Boy 2 (to boy 1) "You do it, you do it! You're the best."
Boy 1 shouted something inaudible but loud from the window. Moments later, the man who sells the local paper was up the stairs and out for blood, evidently not for the first time. He singled out Boy 1.
Vendor "Why are you always giving it to me, you little mug? You're gonna get stabbed if you don't shut your mouth!"
Having overplayed his hand, the man went back downstairs.
Boy 3 "He's gone mental."
Boy 2 "He is mental. What did you say?
Boy 1 (stunned at the scale of his creation) "I fucked your dad's corpse."
They dissolved into giggles.
Boy 2 "You're gonna get us killed."
Fair point, but still, it was – presumably – inventive. Reprehensible and so on, but I could hardly write it down for laughing all the same.