I said, no tongues!

it's soooo much easier to draw nonsense in your sketchbook when you're supposed to be doing something else!

Guardian All Ears 16th January

Wondering if there's a phrase for 'middle class fear of builders'? - thought I'd just stoke up the prejudice a little bit more for good measure...

http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2010/jan/16/all-ears-the-guide

(Article by Michael Holden)

As a perennial drinker I notice people who come only into the pub in
cold weather. They look around as though the dynamics of buying booze
might have changed since they last endorsed such a venue, relax when
everything appears to be the same, and then pull justifiably shocked
faces when confronted with the price. In groups, they talk about the
weather, wondering out loud if we talk about it too much.
Occasionally, a dialogue breaks out from the droning as it did with
two men who sat as close as possible to the fire, which, despite its
glow, gives out no warmth.

Man 1 I’ve still no windows

Man 2 So what have you got?

Man 1 Just boards.

Man 2 How’s that then?

Man 1 Cold.

Man 2 But you live there ok?

Man 1 I stay in the attic

Man 2 How are the builders?

Man 1 Unbelievably thick. It reminded me why I gave up doing all that
for a living. You tell ‘em they’re doing something wrong and they just
sort of tilt their head to one side and look at you. Like when you’ve
told off a dog.

Man 1 That must drive you mad.

Man 2 I don’t let it mostly. I hide up in the attic, then come
downstairs and have a go at them.

Man 1 Like a cross between Anne Frank and Basil Fawltey!

Man 2 It’s no joke.

Man 1. No. I guess not.

Smokin'...

Dog begging for lolly

procrastination dachshunds...

amazing how easy it is to draw what you're not supposed to be drawing...

Guardian All Ears 9th January

When I sent this in to the newspaper I'd accidentally added an extra asterisk to the word 'wanker' sprayed on the car, which was noticed and duly corrected - rather ironic for the Grauniad I thought...

world's going down the pan if vandals can't spell & punctuate if you ask me!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2010/jan/09/all-ears-michael-holden-the-guide

(Article by Michael Holden)
I was on a train, sat in front of a group of men who spent most of the
journey talking about cars. As this is a subject about which I know
little I didn’t pay too much attention but I couldn’t help but tune in
when one of them made an unusual comparison.

Man 1 (dismayed) “The whole car smelled like trees.”

Man 2 (sombre-as though he had suffered the same nightmare at some
point) “Really…”
Man 1 “Aye, someone had smashed the rear window and the damp had
gotten in. It smelled like my Audi.”
Man 2 “The one you got off your cousin?”

Man 1 (with bitterness) “Yeah, that one.”

Man 2 “How is he?”
Man 1 “Doing well for him self. You have to watch him with money
though. That Audi wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. And he’s pulled
some sort of stunt with his mortgage, God knows how, but he’s ended up
with a four-bedroom place.”
Man 2 “Whereabouts?”
Man 1 “Just around the corner from where he was. It’s still dodgy
though. For all his rooms he’s no garage. Someone had the wheels off
his car, they had the radio.”
Man 2 “What did he do?”
Man 1 “Set it on fire for the insurance. He’s got the new one now.”

Man 2 “What’s it like?”
Pretty smart, but it’s got to him though, the money. I went round to
look at the car and when I got to the house he asked me to take my
shoes off.”
Silence followed, heavy with judgment, as though such protocols were
sub human, and best not dignified with more discussion.

words&words&words&words&...

There was a girl on my train this morning who spoke very loudly with no discernible spaces between her words - this is highly unpleasant @ 7.30 in the morning I discovered - it's lucky I'm an illustrator rather than a murderer by trade...