Guardian All Ears 14th February

Ha ha! Spot the sad Dr Who references...

(Article by Michael Holden)

By a mainline station there is an old police call post, nothing more than a thin blue pillar that must once have held a telephone and fitted with a sign confirming it’s dereliction advising those in need of help to look elsewhere. Any resemblance to its celebrated relative in Dr Who is negligible, but on a match day afternoon I watched it beguile two tipsy fans as they tried to make their way home.

Fan 1 (quite fat, clearly the leader) “Where the fuck are we?”

Fan 2 (smaller, younger, confused by disposition as much as alcohol) “Station innit?”

Fan 1 (seeing the police post) “Whassat about?”

Fan 2 Eh?

Fan 1 (getting excited) “It’s the whatsit, it’s the TARDIS!”

Fan 2 “Eh?”

Fan 1 (really happy now) “The TARDIS!”

Fan 2 (looking a bit annoyed) “That ain’t the TARDIS…it’s just a thing.”

Fan 1 (seeing two policemen approaching in the distance) “Go ask them coppers where we are.”

Fan 2 (moving off) “Right”

Fan 1 (calling after him) “Ask them if this is a TARDIS!”

The younger man ran up to the police, talked to them and then ran back.

Fan 1 “Is it the TARDIS?”

Fan 2 (defiant) “I never asked ‘em about that.”

Fan 1 (seeing the police coming closer) “I’ll ask ‘em myself.”

But as they arrived he noticed they were heavily armed and as though the alcohol afforded him a vision of an all too feasible future where pratting about is a capitol crime, he elected to say nothing at all.

Guardian All Ears 7th February

(Article by Michael Holden)

Just when you think you’ve sniffed outall the premier eavesdropping locations, a new one presents itself. This time it was Argos-one of an elite group of environments where it’s almost impossible not to have a pen. I was leafing through the catalogue when I became conscious of a young couple opposite who perusing the goods on offer with a whimsical air that made me wonder whether they were actually shopping or had just come in to get out of the rain.

Woman: (turning what she saw into a demented low level chant) “Lava lamp, lava lamp, love it, love it, love it!”

Man: (oblivious, reading a catalogue of his own) “Where would I put I mirror?”

Woman: “ You know the shower head in your bathroom? I don’t like it.”

Man: (looking up) “Well you don’t have to have it spraying like that, you can change the settings.”

Woman (already moving on) “Shoe tree!”

Man: (flatly) “Get one.”

Woman (pointing at something I couldn’t see) “We so need that.”

Man: (looking across, smiling) “Mick has got one of those in room, it so made me laugh.”

Woman: “I might get this hook that goes on the back of the door.”

Man: (without looking) “Get it.”

Woman (pressing on into the catalogue’s outer limits) “We could get a cooler, for when summer comes.”

Man: (absorbing without rancour what seemed to me to be an absurd proposal) “I guess so. It’ll be so warm.”

Woman: (pressing on) “We need a bedside light, I hate getting up to turn it off and on.”

Man: “Yeah. It’s horrible.”

Woman: “I wish our bed had drawers underneath.”

Man: “It does.”

Woman: “But you have to lift the mattress up to get in them!”

Man: (without hesitation) “Yeah, but that’s much better for dust.”

Woman: “God you’re gay, gay in a good way.”

Man: (as though struck by a vision of the promised land) “Let’s go to Ikea.”

New York sketchbook (slight return)

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New York sketchbook part 2

New York sketchbook

Bluenote NYC 6th Jan 2009

Assortment of sketches from a Bill Frisell, Ron Carter, Paul Motian gig at the Bluenote in New York & an assortment of takes on a rather 'excitable' punter who was eventually removed... 'don't tell ME what the fucking Bluenote is all about!' - priceless!
(Pity we got possibly the worst service in New York city @ the Bluenote!)