Bastards...bastards...bastards!
& don't get me started on...
Tuesday, 27 May 2008
Monday, 26 May 2008
Guardian 25th May
Guardian 25th May - loved the copy for this one ...
I was on a bus where the sunshine combined with the vehicle’s created a climate that was testing enough when a man got on who was so angry that in cooler conditions steam might feasibly have come from his ears. As it was he just sweated along with everyone else as he berated the woman he came in with for someone else’s mistakes.
Woman “You should never have paid them”
Man “I didn’t realise they hadn’t fixed it properly till I rode off, it had all new parts”
Woman “You shouldn’t have paid till you’d ridden it…”
Man “Bike shops are turning to shit. They were all sat about listening to Radiohead, it was like they were doing me a favour. This Russian mechanic rides it round the block and says there’s no problem. I tell him he’s gotta be joking. As soon as I got back on it you could hear the gears were slipping still!”
Woman (dutifully) “So what happened then?”
Man “It got worse. He starts saying it’s ‘cos the bikes dirty-taking me for an idiot-says, ‘when did you last ride it?’ I lost it then, said ‘I rode it here, you prick!’ He backs off into his garage a bit then, but he tells me I want it all doing on the cheap. I said ‘I just asked you to fix it and you haven’t.’”
Woman “You shouldn’t have paid them.”
Man “Well I just lost it then, after the mechanic’s skulked off I ask the other one, who’s picking at his beard with a pencil-stoned I reckon-if this is normal-he says, ‘well I can book you in for anther service.’ I walked out then, I wasn’t having that.
Woman “And now you’re taking the bus…”
Man (looking about him with disdain) “Innit. I might learn to drive, drive the car through the bike shop window…”
Wednesday, 21 May 2008
Saturday, 17 May 2008
So sue me Mr Jobs...
...Apple might be unhappy with my 'grim-reaper-brand-association' schtick in this week's Guardian but I love a good law suit - always good for publicity damnit!
(Article by Michael Holden)
I had a table to myself on a train for a while but as the journey went on my seclusion was punctured by a couple that came and sat opposite me and began prodding at a laptop.
Man: “Do you want to see some thing really depressing?”
Woman “What, off the internet?”
Man “No. They don’t have that here. This is something on the computer. I look at it from time to time and I just…well, it blows me away.”
Woman “Will I like it?”
Man “You’re not meant to like it.”
Woman “I mean will it upset me.”
Man “Well, I dunno. I suppose it’s more poignant than upsetting. It’s just the calendar.”
Woman “The calendar?”
Man “Yeah, check it out.”
He began pawing extensively at the device’s touchpad.
Man “Look, it goes backwards, it’s like you’re going back in time.”
Woman “Why would you need that?”
Man “I don’t know, but look, there goes the year I was born. This is normally when I start feeling sad.”
Woman “ I see what you mean. It’s a bit weird watching all the years roll by.”
Man “I did it for ages once, you can scroll back to 1900, well actually it shows New Year’s Eve 1899, but that’s just because of the way the week’s laid out.”
Woman “What about the future”
Man “Eh?”
Woman “How far can you see into the future.”
Man “I’ve never tried.”
Woman (excited) “Let’s do it!”
Man (turning off laptop) “No, no. The battery might run out.”
Thursday, 15 May 2008
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