Guardian 25th May

Guardian 25th May - loved the copy for this one ...

I was on a bus where the sunshine combined with the vehicle’s created a climate that was testing enough when a man got on who was so angry that in cooler conditions steam might feasibly have come from his ears. As it was he just sweated along with everyone else as he berated the woman he came in with for someone else’s mistakes.

Woman “You should never have paid them”

Man “I didn’t realise they hadn’t fixed it properly till I rode off, it had all new parts”

Woman “You shouldn’t have paid till you’d ridden it…”

Man “Bike shops are turning to shit. They were all sat about listening to Radiohead, it was like they were doing me a favour. This Russian mechanic rides it round the block and says there’s no problem. I tell him he’s gotta be joking. As soon as I got back on it you could hear the gears were slipping still!”

Woman (dutifully) “So what happened then?”

Man “It got worse. He starts saying it’s ‘cos the bikes dirty-taking me for an idiot-says, ‘when did you last ride it?’ I lost it then, said ‘I rode it here, you prick!’ He backs off into his garage a bit then, but he tells me I want it all doing on the cheap. I said ‘I just asked you to fix it and you haven’t.’”

Woman “You shouldn’t have paid them.”

Man “Well I just lost it then, after the mechanic’s skulked off I ask the other one, who’s picking at his beard with a pencil-stoned I reckon-if this is normal-he says, ‘well I can book you in for anther service.’ I walked out then, I wasn’t having that.

Woman “And now you’re taking the bus…”

Man (looking about him with disdain) “Innit. I might learn to drive, drive the car through the bike shop window…”