Tuesday, 11 November 2008
I love a bit of 'motivational speak' - I wonder if I'll ever make employee of the month?
(Article by Michael Holden)
I was in an especially busy city centre branch of a multinational burger chain trying to soothe my brain with saturated fats and staring out the window when I heard a repetitive cry, rising above the background of everyday bedlam.
Man’s Voice: (deep, enquiring, monotone, suggesting neural meltdown) “Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?”
When it didn’t stop I turned round to check what was happening and was surprised to see the sound came from the franchise manager, a small man who leaped up behind his staff like a fat salmon in an attempt to take an order from the crowd of punters who seemed far too alarmed by the noise he was making to take up his offer of assistance.
Manager: (seeing that his team were coping with the mayhem and resorting to a deranged medley of motivational phrases at unbearable volume) “That’s it! That’s It! That’s It! Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s Go! Now! Now! Now! Now!”
There are few situations in life where someone screaming the word “Now!” makes things any better so it was a relief when he developed a new refrain.
Manager: “Push the button! Push the button! Push the button!”
I watched the staff, the button was clearly metaphorical, but it worked. People got fed.
Manager: (wild, victorious, still yelling) “I told you I was in Beiing! We can do this! Motivation! Now!”
When the crowd departed so did he, he had tears in his eyes, or maybe congealed fat, I couldn’t say.