Saturday, 6 November 2010
The Guardian - Michael Holden's All Ears 6th November
Yep! I'm available for tattoos & children's parties too!
- the knuckle tattoo 'toys' hails from a situation in a Brighton bar where upon being ejected from the premises by the door security the ejectee turned to said bouncer, held his fists up & loudly exclaimed 'What do you think these are?!? F*CKING TOYS??!?!'
Anyway, article follows shortly...
(Article by Michael Holden)
I was on a bus one evening as it stopped by the local fair. A man
boarded, came and sat upstairs directly in front of me, although we
were the only passengers. He looked a lot like someone who might work
at the fair, although I always thought having access to a vehicle
would be one of the perks of such employment. Either way, he was up on
the bus when he started talking, initially to himself, facing his
reflection in window.
Man 1 “I wish this driver would hurry up. I’ve only had two hours
sleep. I did nine hours on the rides. Can’t be strapping kids in if
I’m tired. Health and safety. Health and safety! Can’t sleep. Can’t
sleep in that room. Full of car boot stuff…every weekend. I’m gonn
have to have a word with her. And the spare room. She won’t shift it.
Every weekend…more and more.”
At the next stop a man got on with his young son, who was holding a
massive blue bear, the sight of which was enough to nudge the first
man from his monologue.
Man 1 “Been to fair?”
Man 2 “Yeah.”
Man 1 (addressing the kid) “Win that, did you?”
Kid (proudly) “Yeah.”
Man 1 “I’ll tell you how clean them bears.”
Man 1 “ What you want is a polythene bag full of bicarb. Like a
carrier bag. Stick the bear in and shake it up, give it a good shake.
It’ll come out good as new. It works better if you got a few of them.”
Man 1 “Bears.”
Man 2 (to his son) “You remember that now.”
Man 1 “You’ll have to go back and win some more.”
Man 2 “Yeah. We will”
Man 2 “Maybe.”
Good luck, I thought. Just keep an eye on who’s strapping you into the rides.