Armchair Sinister Bird Theatre...(slight return)

Part 2 of a fictitious TV strand from my (pretend) youth



see also http://stevemaystuff.blogspot.com/2009/11/armchair-sinister-bird-theatre.html

whore's, dog's & sausage's

The 'whore's' quote was from an image at the Museum of Everything in Chalk Farm, the sausage references are too complicated to explain, although I definitely wish animals would stick to their alloted food clichés - dogs = sausages, bears = honey, elephants = buns etc. Would make everything sooo much simpler for everyone

(PS the misused apostrophes are deliberate dummy!)

Guardian All Ears 30th January

Coming from a home town where street drinking is somewhat of an ancient tradition I rather warmed to this week's column...

http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2010/jan/30/clubs-michael-holden-all-ears

(Article by Michael Holden)
No matter what our circumstances, we are always alert to the notion that someone might be encroaching on them. I was in the library, sharing a table with two men who use the place to keep warm, when they began talking about a group of eastern European men whose attempts to use the facility for similar purposes had begun to cause friction with the indigenous community of no fixed abode.

Man 1 (looking across at the other table) "They're drinking again."

Man 2 (following his gaze but less intently) "Oh, aye."

Man 1 "They're gonna get us all kicked out."

Man 2 "You reckon?"

Man 1 "They don't take care of themselves. I see 'em on the streets; they'll drink till one of them falls over. Then they have to go to hospital. Then the others'll come and visit. You know what happens then?"

Man 2 "What?"

Man 1 "That stuff they have on the wards, the MRSA handwash? They nick that and drink it."

Man 2 "That'll fuck you up."

Man 1 "Cranial bleeding, haemorrhage. That said, it's not too different from your white cider; that's never been near an apple, you know that?"

Man 2 (sensing he was being chastised) "Yeah, I am aware of all that."

Man 1 "So that's the cycle: hospital, handwash, back into hospital again. And who do you think's paying for it?"

Man 2 (smiling) "When did you last pay any taxes?"

Man 1 (ignoring that inquiry and returning to his theme) "They're gonna get us all kicked out if they're not careful."

Guardian All Ears 23rd January

http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2010/jan/23/michael-holdens-all-ears#
(article by Michael Holden)
Struggling for ways to kill time in cold weather, I went to the pictures in the middle of the day, alone. Judging by the composition of the crowd this was a reasonably popular option – there were about a dozen people there, mostly alone, but there was a pair of blokes in front of me who spoke loudly to one another during the time between when the film was advertised to start and when it actually began.

Man 1 (With a mixture of pride and disbelief) "I hadn't been to the supermarket in over a year."

Man 2 (admiringly) "What, she goes? "

Man 1 "Yeah, she goes and I pay for it."

Man 2 "Fair enough."

Man 1 "Yeah, but I felt a bit guilty. I mean, it's not hard. I actually quite like supermarkets, if they're not too busy. So I said I'd go with her, which turned out to be a mistake."

Man 2 "How so?"

Man 1 "Well I went in quite optimistic thinking, here I am, taking part in something – doing my bit and all the rest of it. But it all went sour when I started bringing stuff to the trolley."

Man 2 (anxious) "Like what, what do you mean?"

Man 1 "Oh, it's all the wrong mushrooms and 'get the ones that are on offer'. I like to roam free in these places, but she has a whole system of how you go about it. You start roaming, going off the map and the whole thing breaks down. There's no scope for innovation. It's a proper regime."

Man 2 "So what happened?"

Man 1 "Well I shut up, didn't I?"

Man 2 "You going back?"

Man 1 "No, we had it right the first time. You're better off alone."

The Economist Jamuary 23rd

new illustrations for this week's issue of The Economist magazine

When in Shoreditch...

Loud phone conversation...check!
Silly facial hair...check!
I win!

I said, no tongues!

it's soooo much easier to draw nonsense in your sketchbook when you're supposed to be doing something else!