Thoughtless for the day

Guardian All Ears 12th December

Note to self...for reference purposes, in shared studio very unwise to Google 'nurses uniform' with 'Safe Search' option switched off!

(Article by Michael Holden)
I took my place in a hospital queue and a scene of two halves began to
unfold. To my left a woman yelled Apprentice-level business drivel
into her telephone, while to my right three nurses assembled a plastic
Christmas tree.
Woman (indignant) “You haven’t spoken to them about it, you’ve just
talked to me about it, and I’m not the cog that needs to make that
process turn around!”
Nurse 1 (straightening out collapsible branches) “How old is this thing?”
Nurse 2 “At least as old as me, and I’ve been here five years.”

Woman “The message is Ian’s just back from holiday, and if there are
35,000 emails in his inbox then we’re all in trouble… what I said to
you was there are four more files, which are big, messy, nasty ones,
by the way. So you can’t just ignore them.”

Nurse 3 “Where does this bit go?”

Nurse 1 “Stick it in the middle”

Woman (almost screaming) “Well you make a start and then
I will finish it off…I understand that…exactly…anyway. We
can’t do that until we know the value of all the pieces…it’s not a
good idea, Andrew’s not into delegation… I don’t know. I’ve been here
for four hours… I imagine he will go berserk. I shouldn’t have to be
pointing this out!”
Nurse 1 (standing back) “What do we think of that then?”

Woman “Well, as I say, I thought you would have done something
already, but we’ll try and sort it out when I get back. Yes, I got
that. I’m getting the fact that you’re unhappy.”

Nurse 2 (laughing) “Look at the state of it!”

Woman “Ok then, thanks.”
She hung up and noticed the pitiful tree. It would take more than that
to make things better.

Muriel!

Impromptu creation for recent basement party in sunny Bethnal Green - it's an E2 thing - you dig? (click on it to see it BIG!)

Guardian All Ears 5th December

(Article by Michael Holden)
I could see the man at the next table was having a hard time from the way he held his drinks-for dear life, it seemed. He stared into the middle distance with an air of furious sorrow and swallowed beer in great mouthfuls, around a third of a pint each time. At the end of his second something like relief came to his face and then he was joined by a friend who bought another drink to his table.

Man 1 (upbeat) “How are we.”

Man 2 (morose) “In fucking bits.”

Man 1 “You haven't slept at all?”

He shook his head

Man 1 “I don't know how you get away with it.”

Man 2 “I don't though, do I? That's why I'm in here.”
Man1 “It could be worse.”

Man 2 “How? How feasibly could it be worse?”

Man 1 “Look, if I’d known you were gonna do the whole self pity thing I wouldn’t have come.”
Man 2 “No, I’m sorry. I do appreciate it. Or I will do when I get myself together.”

Man 1 “Well be sure and give me a ring when that happens.”
Man 2 (finishing his pint) “I’m feeling better already.”

Man 1 “Good, well, one step at a time eh?”

Man 2 “Yeah.”

Then he got up and walked to the toilet and was sick so loudly you could hear him through the door and over the jukebox, which was playing Christmas tunes.

Nice pear...

there's a theme developing here (I seem to remember all computers were named after fruit & vegetables in the '80s - there was definitely an Acorn & an Apricot?)

Mac reaper?

...or for the more morbid computer user

Carrot

What with all these Snow Leopards etc. anyone else thinking Apple have missed a trick?