The Guardian - Michael Holden's All Ears 20th November

(Article by Michael Holden)
Rush hour found me standing near a young couple seated on an underground train. They were headed for the airport and had the luggage to prove it. While others struggled gamely around their bags, the man hid his head in the free paper while she – with their baby strapped to her chest – talked about last night's TV.

Woman "I saw that Banged Up Abroad thing. It's scary what happens to these people. They're not like long-term pushers or anything. But they end up in all kinds of trouble."

Man (emerging from the paper) "Eh?"

Woman "That thing I watched. The people in prison overseas. It's terrible. It really scared me."

Man (vaguely) "Yeah."

Woman (fixating on bad things happening at airports and nodding toward the baby) "We won't have to put him through physio will we?"

Man "Physio?"

Woman "X-ray. I mean x-ray."

Man "No."

He opened the paper to show her an advert for a new film and pointed out an actress.

Man "Do you like her?"

Woman "She's got fatter. Fatter round the mouth."

Man (turning the page to an advert for a digital tablet) "They're really pushing these at the moment."

On the next page was a huge picture of a badly burned man.

Woman "WHAT'S THAT?"

Man "He ran through a bonfire."

Woman "WHY?"

Man (gleeful) "As a dare."

Woman "Oh no."

She looked away, rocked the baby and held it closer to her as if to shield it from all the idiocy of the world. I wished them luck.

Disturbing discoveries...

Unfortunate gentleman upon discovering his nostrils are merely drawn on...

Felt tip monster #2

...& another (part of an occasional series)

Felt tip monster #1

Creatures made of pure felt tip...grrrrr

The Guardian - Michael Holden's All Ears 13th November

No nice animals were harmed in the making of this image.
(only a few nasty ones)
http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2010/nov/13/michael-holden-all-ears
(Article by Michael Holden)
The morning after Halloween, the local pub's landlady was up a ladder, dismantling extensive decorations from the weekend, while one of the hardcore locals, a guy of around 65, finished a pint and looked up from his newspaper.

Man "Can I have another?"

Woman (from up on the ladder) "Help yourself."

He moved behind the bar, poured a drink and sat down again.

Man (looking at his beer) "I'm gonna stop drinking."

Woman "Why?"

Man (joking – but not entirely) "It says in the paper it's worse than crack. I reckon I'm gonna get into crack, go up a crackhouse."

Woman "Good luck."

Man "I reckon it's cheaper."

Woman "It won't be any cheaper than that – you ain't paid."

She came down carrying a decorative witch's cat and bunch of fake webs.

Man "That looks like my cat."

Woman (shocked) "You have a cat?"

Man "It's a bit feral. It follows me to the other pub, starts meowing, all that. So I feed it this and that. But then it goes off on a killing spree. Eats anything."

Woman "What like?"

Man "The other day it got a squirrel, then it walked past the pub with its tail sticking out of its mouth, trying to get it down. My mate, you know him, he's in a bad way. He thinks it's got two tails. It rattles him, he can't figure it out. Thinks he's imagining it."

Woman "And?"

Man "He's gone to rehab."

Woman "You didn't tell him?"

Man "Didn't want to break the spell."

Woman (fetching down more occult trinkets) "Fair enough."

'unwelcome space jazz'

Was just listening to Brian Eno on the wireless talking about imaginary musical genres...I'd love to hear some unwelcome space jazz!

(see also 'random thud' http://stevemaystuff.blogspot.com/2010/08/musical-genres-1-random-thud.html)

Bastard suit

Wonderful quote from the Dr Feelgood documentary Oil City Confidential...