I think I'd sneakily like one of these to be truthful (although the 'Breville home stigmata toaster'™ might be a little beyond...

Bottle of 'Nan-booze'. Snowball?!? Everybody knows Advocaat is mainly composed of phlegm (probably) & eggs - We can mainly b...

'Budget' electrical goods.

Wall calendar. (Mayan)

Unfortunately timed fancy dress costume* *& one in the eye for all you smug 'I ALWAYS buy my Xmas presents early to avoid the ru...

Ill-advised gift voucher.

  Inappropriate jigsaw puzzle*. * I always hated jigsaws as a kid, they're even worse if you're without discernible limbs.

Hideous bling.

Fluffy anthropomorphic footwear.

Unfortunate pop culture genre-fail.

Anti-hypo-allergenic make up kit.* *not tested on nice animals (or even nasty ones)

Over-fussy 'coffee exp eri ence delivery system' ™ - destined to be used on precisely 4 occasions before thinking 'f*** this,...

Dual purpose novelty Donald Trump / One Direction hairpiece.

Spurious kitchen gadget. NB I have NOT made this up

Idiot mittens. NB whilst finishing this the other day I sudden realised I'd unconsciously nicked the basic idea from another illustr...

Niche electrical goods.

Tangerine.* * qv "in my day we just got a tangerine & a few nuts"( © everybody's nan.)        

Well meaning charity goat gift card. (& you wanted a f***ing iPad!)

Crappy TV tie-in annual.* *Recipe - quickly re-hash old TV scripts together add a few photos then season with a healthy dollop of contem...

Offensive confectionery. (shhhh...don't shoot me but I always liked coffee creams etc. - the ones everyone hates!)