Unfortunately timed fancy dress costume* *& one in the eye for all you smug 'I ALWAYS buy my Xmas presents early to avoid the ru...

Spurious kitchen gadget. NB I have NOT made this up

Well meaning charity goat gift card. (& you wanted a f***ing iPad!)

Crappy TV tie-in annual.* *Recipe - quickly re-hash old TV scripts together add a few photos then season with a healthy dollop of contem...

Offensive confectionery. (shhhh...don't shoot me but I always liked coffee creams etc. - the ones everyone hates!)

Unfortunate socks. (my sister & I always dreaded the 'soft parcel' at Christmas)

New aftershave.