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Showing posts with label Xmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Xmas. Show all posts

Saturday 8 December 2012

Advent of unwanted gifts #8

Tangerine.*

* qv "in my day we just got a tangerine & a few nuts"(© everybody's nan.)
       

Friday 7 December 2012

Advent of unwanted gifts #7

Well meaning charity goat gift card.

(& you wanted a f***ing iPad!)

Thursday 6 December 2012

Advent of unwanted gifts # 6

Crappy TV tie-in annual.*

*Recipe - quickly re-hash old TV scripts together add a few photos then season with a healthy dollop of contempt for the buying public.

Wednesday 5 December 2012

Advent of unwanted gifts # 5

Offensive confectionery.

(shhhh...don't shoot me but I always liked coffee creams etc. - the ones everyone hates!)

Tuesday 4 December 2012

Advent of unwanted gifts #4

Unfortunate socks.

(my sister & I always dreaded the 'soft parcel' at Christmas)

Thursday 17 December 2009

Saturday 10 January 2009

Guardian All Ears 10th January



Shame we couldn't have put this nearer to Xmas - I'm sure everyody's forgotten about office parties et al by now...

I love the Kiss reference - they're hilarious - & (sshhh!) I know for a fact that they use dummy Marshall stacks on stage ie ones with no speakers inside. In a previous life I once spent an afternoon in Birmingham NEC setting the fake speaker cabinets up. How RAWK is that?

Article by Michael Holden

I was in a hostelry so dense with seasonal drunks it was actually easier to stay inside and put up with it than fight your way out. After a while the two people who had been standing within a centimetre of me were joined by a third who began by apologising for his late arrival.

Man 3: (acting like he’d been running) “Whoah, sorry about that, got held up at work.”

Man 2: (doubtful-not about to let him get off lightly) “Yeah? What happened then? We’ve been here nearly an hour.”

Man 1: (not to be ignored and suspicious of Man 1’s breathlessness) “I actually did run here, to try and be on time, to meet you.”

Man 3: “Well it was the office party, I couldn’t not go. I got away as fast as I could.”

Man 2: (forgiving) “You’ve done well in that case.”

Man 1: “How was it?”

Man 3: “Beyond belief. They cancelled the venue ‘cos of the budget cuts.”

Man 2: “So where was it?”

Man 1: (still amazed) “In the room where the vending machines are. It was just my department, but still. My boss came over and offered me a glass of wine, she’d put make up round her eye-sort of drawn a star-to mark the occasion.”

Man 2: “Like the bloke from Kiss?”

Man 1: “Exactly-the guitarist.”

Man 2: “Jesus.”

Man 1: The wine was bad too. In the end I just stuck some money in the machine and had a coffee.”

Man 3: (feeling comparatively well off enough to ignore the reality of their present surroundings, and the fact that he was standing on my foot) “Well, at least we’re here.”