stevemaystuff

Happy 100th birthday!

2012-01-27T08:49:00.004Z

THIS is what you'll get if you live to be 100. Gawd bless her & all who sail in her (who said 'off with his head'?)

(From 'Cartoon Kid Strikes Back' by Jeremy Strong with scrawls provided by my good self)

God's chewing gum & other stories...

2012-01-20T15:04:00.001Z

At this point on a Friday I like to ponder some of the bigger questions...

Cartoon Kid Strikes Back! OUT NOW!

2012-01-05T13:47:00.006Z

'Cartoon Kid Strikes Back' the 3rd in the Cartoon Kid series written by Jeremy Strong & illustrated by myself is published today!
There's police elephants, hippo dinners,hamster family fun,cake chaos & much more!

Get out of your chair & take a walk to your local independent bookshop & buy one!

- or else be a lazy arse & you can get it on the interweb

Impending Hastings rumble (w/ added noise)

2012-01-05T11:11:00.004Z

...there I am, busy drawing unsuitable sound effects when I'm suddenly distracted by determined teenage boys en route to an impending scrap in Hastings town centre - happily I haven't been personally involved in one of these for many years (as the great PaulMcCartney&MichaelJackson might've said - 'I'm a lover not a fighter')

Unwelcome beasties...

2012-01-05T11:08:00.002Z

Sometimes the temptation to go out & affix a cat mask onto a dog is just too irresistable!

2011-12-12T14:05:00.003Z

Does this make me a bad man?

Animated promo - 'Simple Life' by Sam Frank

2011-12-07T14:47:00.005Z

I'm very excited about being able to put a link to my brand new animated promo that I just completed for Sam Frank's debut single Simple life - you can see it here http://vimeo.com/stevemay/sam-frank-simple-life

New animation

2011-11-23T17:00:00.004Z

I've just finished a new animated short - you can see it here

Tea & fags (& more bowl cuts)

2011-11-22T12:22:00.002Z

Some more sketchbook flotsam from my recent bowl cut explorations. Also seems to have a certain retro feel harking back to that '60s / '70s behind the scenes footage where everybody seems to be perma-smoking in the workplace. Even the tea lady usually has a pipe or similar

Bowl cuts we have loved...

2011-11-18T11:48:00.003Z

Lest we forget - the role of the pudding basin in tonsorial culture - we salute you!

Dysnumria

2011-11-12T21:12:00.006Z

This was drawn especially for a dear friend's brilliant party on 11/11/11 taking in numerology,the bible, the Pixies, Doctor Who & a few silly animals - very much like a slice of my life really...

Synchronised swimming & lycanthropy

2011-11-10T14:57:00.005Z

Be honest, who hasn't always wanted to know what would happen if a synchronised swimmer was ravished by a werewolf? They missed a trick in the 2012 Olympics I tell ya!

Colonels & fish paste

2011-11-08T11:45:00.002Z

Drawn in response to a 9 year old's poem about a Colonel that smells of fish paste(!)

spectacular beard

2011-11-04T08:17:00.001Z

It's too rainy outside. On the bright side , I've just seen a spectacular beard!

Sausage dog of doom...

2011-11-02T14:19:00.002Z

It's British Sausage Week apparently... there's a week for everything!

hungry...

2011-10-25T14:08:00.002+01:00

this was my lunchtime...how about yours?

More bears & chairs

2011-10-08T18:21:00.004+01:00

In new improved colour©*

(*color for my American followers)

RIP Steve Jobs

2011-10-06T08:24:00.002+01:00

Here's one I posted earlier but quite prescient : (

forgot your pants!

2011-10-04T14:31:00.000+01:00

...again!

public health warning...

2011-10-04T11:37:00.003+01:00

...ever.

That's all.

Brick Lane market inventory

2011-09-30T14:05:00.004+01:00

I like the little stalls off Brick Lane which just seem to stock desperate rubbish. Old TV remote anyone? F*** gentrification!

Espresso Toothpaste™

2011-09-30T13:48:00.003+01:00

for that extra zizzz in the mornings...now with added amphetamine sulphate!™ to grind 'em clean!

Say 'NO' to bullying!

2011-09-30T08:48:00.001+01:00

what ever happened to Betamax?

2011-09-20T10:11:00.001+01:00

It's over here! Move along now...
(another unsuccessful pitch!)

how to make a devil sandwich

2011-09-20T09:28:00.001+01:00

...well, you never know - tuck in!

placing a whale in a glass of water...

2011-09-20T09:15:00.002+01:00

Always wondered how that's done?
a) Yes
b) No

(mostly 'a'- this is the blog for you!
mostly 'b' - move along, nothing to see here)

ones that got away...

2011-09-20T09:08:00.003+01:00

Some characters I designed for a mooted animation series a while back - nothing happened as far as I know but they're probably being reproduced on low quality lunchboxes somewhere in the world as we speak...

impending hotdog accident...

2011-09-19T15:07:00.004+01:00

Cheap meat products, wheels, unwise fringe growth...what could possibly go wrong?

Bears with chairs

2011-09-19T12:53:00.003+01:00

...plus added ice cream!

Hercules (cross version)

2011-09-09T17:02:00.003+01:00

I was rooting around old bits of artwork & found this picture of Hercules fighting the Nemean lion which was drawn for the cover of a book called 'Hercules The Hero' by Tony Bradman but rejected for being a bit too aggressive - I re drew it but quite like this version too - I love a bit of Greek mythology me!

That's the answer, what's your question?

2011-09-09T09:35:00.003+01:00

Return of the meanest genie!

2011-09-08T14:27:00.003+01:00

I just received a copy of the latest in the Jiggy McCue series by Micheal Lawrence - here's a genie from the back cover!

SPLANG!

2011-09-02T15:31:00.003+01:00

(click to enlarge)
Sneak preview of something I'm working on...

Bears with chairs - redux

2011-08-24T10:07:00.003+01:00

The tireless mystery & wonderment of the wooden chair

Bears with chairs - the revenge!

2011-08-23T12:57:00.002+01:00

& it continues...

Bears with chairs (slight return)

2011-08-23T09:10:00.003+01:00

Episode 2 of our exciting series, stay tuned ursine-furniture fans!

Bears with chairs...

2011-08-23T09:06:00.003+01:00

an occasional series...

The Haunted Cagoule

2011-08-12T12:15:00.003+01:00

Whilst anticipating English festival rain I was just reminded of the strange haunting oddness of the word 'cagoule' - surely a movie BEGGING to be made!*

*never ask me for movie investment advice huh?

slow news week...

2011-08-10T13:38:00.002+01:00

As there's been very little in the news thought I might break the tedium with a couple of sketches from recent festival visit...

sinister birds...

2011-08-04T15:01:00.000+01:00

Beasties!

operation

2011-07-24T14:02:00.003+01:00

Always good to label one's limbs in case of surgical intervention huh?

Poo Birds in natural habitat #2

2011-07-22T12:42:00.004+01:00

The festival toilet solution?
More poo birds? You damned fool! Go HERE!

OS X - Moggy

2011-07-21T11:03:00.005+01:00

Hey Mac geeks! Forget your Lions & your Snow Leopards, what happens when apple run out of animal names... shoddy budget OS anybody?

Surreptitiousness...

2011-07-06T13:57:00.001+01:00

Surreptitious monster with carrier bag...

Poo birds in natural habitat

2011-07-06T13:52:00.003+01:00

Look lively! Some natural history for you silly people!

Ice Lolly Peril!

2011-07-06T13:47:00.002+01:00

Be careful what you put in yer mouth kids...

How many elephants can you fit in a double decker?

2011-07-01T13:28:00.004+01:00

...aahh you do the maths (math for my American readers)
Illustration from Cartoon Kid by Jeremy Strong which also features as July's calendar image for my agents Arena Illustration

Bank robbers & miner birds

2011-06-20T18:10:00.001+01:00

Thieving swine!

My name's Johnny...

2011-06-19T16:14:00.003+01:00

"an' tell all the commies, my name's Johnny, Johnny PISSOFF"

I'm in the process of throwing out old cassettes(!) which have been hanging around in boxes since a very long time ago & found a wonderful compilation which contained The Fugs delightfully titled 'Johnny Pissoff Meets The Red Angel'- this was drawn in response...

spotify:track:0frUOS4pvp2OxiXgbvJjea

insert band name here...

2011-06-13T14:51:00.005+01:00

London Fields sketches - he walked by too quickly to clock what the t-shirt slogan was so I took the liberty of inventing it myself - probably some no-mark landfill indie band - I'd have remembered if they were called Cöck Spawn* or something like that.

* the unnecessary umlaut is important in the naming of metal bands don't you know?

Plummeting Pants!

2011-06-08T15:05:00.007+01:00

To further scientifically prove the age old popularity of falling underpants 'Boy Zero - Wannabe Hero - Mystery of the Plummeting Pants' written by Peter Millet published by Faber & illustrated by yours truly has been nominated for a junior fiction award in New Zealand

In celebration here's a picture of General Pandemonium the villain of the piece after his pants have fallen off! I'm too good to you all! : )You can see more here!
& you can buy a copy here

Cartoon Kid - Supercharged! (& better scan!)

2011-06-07T17:12:00.003+01:00

Here's the cover to the new Cartoon Kid book (scanned properly & not just filched off the interweb like before)In this one our hero Casper has to face the monstrous Mrs Cloddle or 'CLODZILLA' as she's known (couldn't resist a picture of Mrs Cloddle in full nose wiping action either!)

You can order a copy here

Police elephant! (& a police kangaroo too!)

2011-06-06T12:05:00.005+01:00

Couldn't resist posting the police animals arresting Masher & his gang from the new Cartoon Kid book - I love a police animal!

Grannies wrestling tigers, plummeting rhinos & others...

2011-06-06T11:16:00.006+01:00

Some more of my illustrations from the new Cartoon Kid book by Jeremy Strong featuring Grannies wrestling tigers, plummeting rhinos & superhero action among other treats!
You can buy your copy here

Cartoon Kid 2 - Supercharged!

2011-06-06T10:59:00.004+01:00

The second in the series of Cartoon Kid books by Jeremy Strong has just been published by Puffin books featuring Casper who is secretly a superhero who among other things has to contend with a monstrous new teacher Mrs Cloddle or CLODZILLA!
You can buy it here

(contains sexual swearwords)

2011-05-30T11:37:00.003+01:00

Somebody reminded of this piece I directed for the Monkeydust series many moons ago so thought I'd post it - the talk of government targets all sounds depressingly familiar (contains sexual swearwords)

Lions & Tigers & Bears (oh my!)

2011-05-27T10:23:00.003+01:00

Detail from previous post - am most perplexed why more people don't want Wizard of Oz tattoos theses days

Zombie Arcade (slight return)

2011-05-26T17:06:00.006+01:00

Some more good retro wholesome made-up horror comic stuff for you kids*!

Available at all good newsagents (& a fair few sh*tty ones too)

*this is what comes of a childhood spent in a seaside town watching too many horror films & reading too many comics...

Cocktail time

2011-05-23T13:30:00.001+01:00

Just a typical night out...

Monster playing with cat

2011-05-19T14:22:00.003+01:00

Now in technicolour (almost)

Inky beasties (slight return)

2011-05-15T14:34:00.004+01:00

More monsters (& the odd tiger) - don't say you don't get your money's worth!

Pen & ink* monsters

2011-05-14T15:12:00.004+01:00

*No it's not rhyming slang! Just finished a few of these little beasties for a client the other day, nice change to work with dip pen & wash for a job (although I did find myself looking for the Apple Z command on many occasions!)

Das Fluff promo 'Would You Die For Me?'

2011-05-03T11:44:00.003+01:00

I've just directed & designed a short sting for my band Das Fluff's debut album release - you can watch it here

disguises, & other stories...

2011-04-22T15:10:00.003+01:00

This was an illustration for Community Care magazine about social workers avoiding their clients in the street (but as anybody who knows me any excuse for a false moustache will do!)

CRIME!!!

2011-04-04T17:20:00.003+01:00

CRIME! Robbers, skeleton keys, the works!

Debut Das Fluff single released TODAY!

2011-04-04T11:01:00.003+01:00

Not animation or illustration linked but my wonderful band Das Fluff have just released our debut single Happy People / Hey You - you can buy it from here or here or even here

'Propelling beats, smooth riffs and vibrant atmospheres ... Das Fluff plays with fire.'

C.J. LAZARETTI - Erotic Review (read more)

'Ooh. Now this is dirrrrty ... a scintillating slice of dance floor genius ... Glorious.'

JAMES BALL - Stereoboard.com (read more)

robbing b*stards!

2011-03-31T13:06:00.004+01:00

Just finished this for Inside Out magazine for an article about stealing from work commissioned by the delightful Amelia Clark.

Puts me in mind of the classic 'Take Stuff From Work' by the redoubtable King Missile which by the magic of the interweb can be found here! - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIXz_vzROrw

Abominable...

2011-03-19T11:02:00.004Z

Been conducting some field research on mythical beasties

He's been selected for exhibition at this years Pictoplasma festival too!

Zombie Arcade

2011-03-11T13:20:00.003Z

From all good newsagents* (& a fair few sh*tty ones too!)

* this is a lie

Pants!

2011-03-07T12:44:00.002Z

Michael Holden's All Ears 5th March (& my last one)

2011-03-05T10:40:00.007Z

Sadly this my LAST EVER All Ears. (although in the print edition it's credited to 'name in here')

I only officially found this out earlier in the week which is rather disappointing in that unbeknownst to The Guardian, all through the run I've been secretly implanting symbols within each illustration with the plan that if you laid all of them out on a large flat surface they'd spell out a secret message that can only be read from space* (something about lizard people, the Holy Grail & Rupert Murdoch etc.)

So much for my masterplan...

Anyway thanks to Stephen & Sara at The Guardian for being a pleasure to work with over the last 3 years or so & have enjoyed Mr Holden's articles (despite never having met him!) at least I get my weekends free now

PS *this may be a lie

(& milk in coffee's for wimps & little girls, - FACT!)

Over & out, here's the article

(Article by Michael Holden)

Mid-morning at a busy sandwich and coffee concession in the middle of the city, and one young businessman collected his, presumably daily, sought-after beverage and returned with a look of what could only be described as woe.

Man 1 "I hate the way they shout it out."

Man 2 "What?"

Man 1 (quietly, as if in shame) "'Milky Americano'. It's the word milky, she says it, 'mill-key', really strings it out. She shouts it when I order, too."

Man 2 (right first time) "You think it's a sign of weakness, having extra milk in your coffee?"

Man 1 (embarrassed to be read so rightly) "No, I … "

Man 2 "Yeah, you do!"

Man 1 "I don't. I just take the trouble to say, 'With plenty of milk', and they turn that into milky, and shout it out, 'Mill-key!'"

Man 2 (half joking) "Well, it's a dynamic environment – they have their own way of getting things done."

Man 1 (playing along) "Yeah, but I'm a key part of that environment, I'm driving it."

Man 2 "You're just one person. And you'll be the only one that gives a fuck."

Man 1 "I reckon this could be bigger than you think."

Man 2 "You're not alone?"

Man 1 "You never know."

Man 2 "Get on Twitter, start a revolution."

Man 1 "It's blocked at work."

Man 2 "Do it when you get in."

Man 1 "It never bothers me at night."

Man 2 "What does?"

Man 1 (emphatic) "Other stuff."

Man 2 (retreating, quite probably wisely) "Right."

World Book Day

2011-03-03T12:54:00.009Z

Micheal Lawrence who writes the popular Jiggy McCue series of books which I've had the pleasure of illustrating the covers has written a special Jiggy book especially for World Book Day called 'Evilution the Troof' which I drew a monkey on the cover

(Thanks to Thy Bui at Orchard Books for her lovely cover designs)

You can see more of the Jiggy covers here
& read more about evolution here

The Guardian - Michael Holden's All Ears 26th February

2011-02-26T10:16:00.004Z

I've never used the 'recent bereavement' method for dealing with cold callers but I did once conjure up a story about a colony of light sensitive 'mole people' whilst persuading a replacement window salesperson that their product was insufficiently opaque for my needs...

Original article here

(Article by Michael Holden)
Amid the debate around minimum pricing for alcohol, I should point out that, in six years of writing this column, it's been my experience that people who have paid more to get drunk say duller things while they're getting there. The cut-price drinker might reach oblivion faster and generally live a shorter life but, on balance, they get the better lines. This discourse from my local bargain hostelry being a case in point.

Man 1 "I told a feller on the phone my wife was dead."

Man 2 "But she's not?"

Man 1 "Nah, but it was the call centre. Three days in a row they'd asked for her, so I told them she was dead – and you could see it took the wind out their sails."

Man 2 "Well it would …"

Man 1 "I really turned it on, sobbing and that. Got quite into it. I could hear the feller was upset too. He said they'd delete the number – never call back."

Man 2 "A result then?"

Man 1 "Not really. Once I heard how moved he was I started to feel bad. I'm not cut out for the lying, you know."

Man 2 "It's true."

Man 1 "If I were, life would have been easier. Instead, I felt like one of those murderers who does a press conference for the person they've killed, asking for help and that."

Man 2 "But they drive you to it, though – the calls."

Man 1 "Maybe. Either way, I was glad when she walked through the door."

Man 2 "In case she had died?"

Man 1 "Yeah, which would have been typical of her."

Inexorable Slow Death of a Takeaway

2011-02-21T13:25:00.004Z

Every time I pass this particular place on Berwick Street I feel like I'm watching the rather tragic inexorable slow death of a takeaway, in the knowledge that the previous occupants of the premises (hotdogs, sushi, mexican etc.) have all lasted around 6 months.
First of all they had installed a man on the door offering 'free meat' to passers by & recently a rather forlorn handwritten sign appeared, trumpeting the fact that they use 'a frying pan & NOT a microwave' to make breakfast but it still seems to remain empty.
I'm in the firm belief that certain buildings & retail premises are cursed, with the various occupants doomed to failure. Am wishing them well...

Lopsided copper

2011-02-21T13:22:00.001Z

There's a copper with one very large ear on the beat around Soho

Happy People by Das Fluff

2011-02-21T12:21:00.002Z

Ok, it's not illustration or animation but I make exquisite guitar noise with Das Flüff & wave megaphones around in a dangerous manner & thought you might want to hear this too
http://www.dasfluff.com

The Guardian - Michael Holden's All Ears 19th February

2011-02-19T10:44:00.004Z

After playing with several Gypsy/carpark/well-known-cartoon-character-with-explicit drug-reference combinations I figured this illustratory* route would leave me less on the road to future legal action.
On the other hand the consumption of the kind of beer you only get in gold & black cans on public transport slightly appeals to me but purely for the fact of pissing Boris Johnson off. Me? Childish? You bet!
(I'll shut up, you can read the article here)

(Article by Michael Holden)
Having failed to visibly outrage anyone by drinking lager on the tube, the four young men sat opposite me seemed anxious to raise the stakes by talking openly about cannabis. First, though, they had a more immediate problem – one born of their initial transgression.

Man 1 (distressed) "I need a piss."

Man 2 "This isn't our stop!"

Man 1 (leaving the carriage) "I can't hold on. I'll meet you there."

Man 2 "What's up with him? He's only had, like, one pint."

Man 3 (looking at his can of lager) "I swam through my brother's sick on holiday. I thought it was coral at first – it was all in my goggles and shit. This was on the Great Barrier Reef. It's a sick country, Australia."

Man 4 "Fuck Australia!"

Man 2 (holding a bit of paper) "Make the roach nice, that was one of the first things I learned about smoking."

Man 4 "What's that?"

Man 2 (rolling it up) "It's my bus ticket, keep the white bit on the outside, you have to twist it. That way you get feedback."

Man 3 "Back in the day I used to think I was the don. I used to get bare stoned and just watch The Simpsons. Nobody knew. I was 13."

There was no reaction to this, so he upped the ante.

Man 3 "That was before I got expelled."

Man 4 "Do you wanna get off and fight?"

Man 3 "I fight Gypsies in car parks – like on that show."

Man 4 "Downgrade your status!"

With that they were off, checking as they went to see if anyone had noticed them.

The Guardian - Michael Holden's All Ears 12th February

2011-02-12T14:52:00.003Z

Meh! Crappy illustration - what can I say - definitely an off day...

(article by Michael Holden)
Late one Saturday afternoon in a pub deserted save for myself, two pool players and the bar staff, who were watching Catchphrase on the TV, a man walked in looking anxious.

Man "I don't want to put you out, but can you stick the football on?"

The staff simultaneously turned forlorn, as though this would constitute a disaster.

Man (not quite believing what was happening) "What, you're actually watching this?"

Barman (sadly) "What match was it you wanted?"

Man "Eh?"

Barman (holding out his iPhone) "What score did you want? I can get it on my phone."

Man "It's the FA Cup, I want to watch the scores come in, for all the games."

Barman "Oh."

Man (rightly miffed) "I'd like to sit down and pay you the best part of four quid for a pint, while you – who are paid to be here – turn over the television which you, or whoever runs this pub, pays thousands of pounds a year to show live football on. It doesn't seem to me to be a lot to ask."

Barman (sort of standing up) "Well …"

Man (snapping) "Fucking Catchphrase … it hasn't been on for 10 years. Or is this a classic episode? One of the greats. 'Say what you see.' I'll say what I see: you lot in here, taking the piss."

Barman (relenting) "I'll turn it over."

Man (not having it and walking away) "No, you stay where you are. I'll go somewhere where it's not a problem. It's places like this that give drinking a bad name."

I looked around me, and he was right.

Bass monkey...

2011-02-10T15:55:00.001Z

...that's all, nothing to see here - move along.

Rail Replacement Bus Service

2011-02-08T14:04:00.003Z

Rainy grey Sunday in Hastings - am confronted with the four most chilling words in the English language 'Rail Replacement Bus Service' - the only people on the streets in St Leonards are a horde of dog-faced kids pointing at buses

The Guardian - Michael Holden's All Ears 5th February

2011-02-05T10:23:00.005Z

Ok, ok, it's a real curtain not a digital one, & nope, he's not a wizard AT ALL!
(we're definitely not in Kansas any more either - I'm sure they don't make masturbation references in illustrations there - no sirree!)
Read original article here

(Article by Michael Holden)
Two men in a pub – reassured no doubt by the physical nature of their conversation – were speaking loudly about the benefits of doing things in the real, as opposed to the digital, world.

Man 1 "What time are the band on?"

Man 2 "11.15 I think."

Man 1 "You think?"

Man 2 (wearily) "I asked the venue. They have a site and I sent an email saying, 'When are they on?' The woman emailed me back and said, 'Why are you asking – are you in the band?'"

Man 1 (half laughing) "Jesus!"

Man 2 "The band have a site as well – I emailed them – they didn't get back to me."

Man 1 "This is the problem with the internet: everybody's got a fucking site – but who are the idiots behind them? I mean, if you were running a real business and you heard someone not answering the phone – or delivering basic information – you could step in."

Man 2 "You do wonder how much of this is driving the recession – digital idiocy, dressed up as work."

Man 1 "True. It's incompetence veiled behind a virtual curtain."

Man 2 "You pull back the curtain – and there's nothing there. No one."

Man 1 "Not even the Wizard of Oz. Not even an old man who might apologise and give you something useful."

Man 2 "Not even. Pull back the curtain and there's just someone there wanking off – going, 'Why? Are you in the band?'"

Man 1 (excited) "The wanker of Oz!"

Man 2 (happy to have worked out a phrase that those around him would be hearing a lot more of) "Exactly."

scruffy rabbit men

2011-02-01T17:33:00.000Z

Obvious 'criminal types' I feel...

Booze, science, & diagrams

2011-02-01T17:31:00.003Z

Is this when they usually say 'now here's the science' in adverts?

The Guardian - Michael Holden's All Ears 29th January

2011-01-29T17:21:00.004Z

I've still got the scars from my '80s teenage years (but have burned most of the photos!)

- wish I'd left the 'studioline' text off the illustration but I like to present it as printed - one of those cases of 'funny-at-the-time' (like mullets? Conceptual hey?)
Original article here
(Article by Michael Holden)
Walking down a side street I was suddenly overtaken by two young men making quickly toward the main road and kicking around a conversation of sufficient merit and volume that I found myself having to speed up in order to keep abreast of it.

Man 1 (pressing for an answer) "What do you call him, the guy with all the hair down the back?"

Man 2 "Gandhi?"

Man 1 (irked) "No – he's bald! The other one?"

Man 2 (getting the picture) "Him! He's out there – we don't even have a proper nickname for him. He's just 'him', innit?"

Man 1 "We said to him, you can't have hair like that!"

Man 2 "It's the proper mullet."

Man 1 "Nobody wants it!"

Man 2 "But he won't listen!"

Man 1 "He can't hear!"

Man 2 (making snipping motions) "I go up behind him and do the scissors thing – everyone laughs."

Man 1 "We said to him, 'What happened? Did your mum freeze you in the 80s?' Everyone laughs at him! Even the general manager's on to him about it, saying, 'I think it might be better if you didn't have that hair.' But he's all, 'No no no – it's my thing.'"

Man 2 (shaking his head in recognition of a lost cause) "And he's proper slim, innit?"

Man 1 (sad and angry – as though he had great plans for the man's hair that might never see the light of day) "It just doesn't suit – doesn't suit him!"

They laughed loudly though, as they reached the high street and jogged away into the crowd, who all looked much the same as them.

Cartoon Kid in The Times Monday 24th January

2011-01-24T11:16:00.002Z

A little promotional piece in today's Times newspaper featuring characters from Cartoon Kid by Jeremy Strong published by Puffin - available in all good etc. etc.
(I would direct you to the article but Mr Murdoch's paywall may deter you...)

The Guardian - Michael Holden's All Ears 22nd January

2011-01-22T10:11:00.003Z

(Article by Michael Holden)
Beyond the humidity, the other thing you can hope to get at the local steam baths is a climate of silence. Not always. Some people will talk, as though stranded on a boiling bus. This time it was a wiry young woman (Woman 1) and her larger friend (Woman 2). The contrast between them was considerable – they looked like a broken exclamation mark.

Woman 1 (nodding toward the gym, looking serious) "You have to go every day."

Woman 2 (downcast) "Yeah but there's work.

Woman 1 "What's your shifts?"

Woman 2 "Earlies."

Woman 1 "Change them 10 'til 6, wait for me for half an hour then we can park round here for free from seven."

Woman 2 "Ain't gonna happen."

Woman 1 "Unless you make it happen."

Woman 2 "I'm all right when I'm with you, I can't do it on my own."

Woman 1 "You cheat when you're with me, if I just look away you start loafing!"

Woman 1 (turning to the men in the room as though appealing to a jury) "She's the fittest person I know. Look at her. Ain't she hot?"

Man 1 "It's a sauna, we're all hot."

Man 2 "What sport do you play?"

Woman 1 "Nothing. I just come here."

Woman 2 "I wanna lose two stone by my birthday."

Woman 1 "You're dreaming."

Woman 2 (plaintive) "I don't drink tea any more."

Woman 1 "Don't worry about tea. It's the Ribena."

Man 1 (back for more) "I like to exhaust myself."

I took that as my cue to fade into the mist.

monsters & broken ukeleles

2011-01-17T16:57:00.002Z

& the 'Chocolate Teapot Award' goes to...

2011-01-17T16:04:00.001Z

male pattern baldness explained

2011-01-17T14:49:00.003Z

& now for the science...

The Guardian - Michael Holden's All Ears 15th January

2011-01-15T10:43:00.003Z

That Brian May (no relation) made his guitar out of a fireplace he did...etc.
As a real-life guitar hero(!) I find the whole concept of Guitar Hero rather puzzling, read on...
See the original article here
(Article by Michael Holden)
For a swift antidote to the optimistic platitudes of new year, there's nothing quite like hospital waiting rooms, where any rogue act of exuberance is swiftly countered by the collective frowning of the preoccupied majority. It was here that I saw a woman standing up in a room full of seated people, typing on her Blackberry and looking up occasionally to see if she had stopped acting like she shouldn't be there. An elderly woman and her adult son sat by my side.

Son (reading a text) "Guitar Hero, I wonder how he's getting on with it?"

Mother "You got him playing it?"

Son "Yeah, he's sent me a text saying he's gonna kick my arse."

Mother "Oh."

Son "Of all the versions I've bought – and I've bought five – there's no Jimi Hendrix on there."

Mother (diving deep into her own past) "Burt Weedon? Duane Eddy?"

Son "No. Stones, a lot of Bon Jovi. That's some frantic playing."

Mother (updating) "Brian May?"

Son "Yeah, Queen are there."

Mother (excited – relatively speaking) "Killer Queen?"

Son "Band On The Run – that's good to play."

Mother (eyeing the standing woman with disdain) "I dunno what she's playing at."

Son (holding thumb and forefinger together to indicate the woman's lack of long term illness) "I saw the size of her file – it was stick thin."

Mother "I've definitely gone deaf in this ear."

Son "I'll get you some shopping later."

Mother "Why don't she sit down?"

Son (most assuredly) "She will."

comic strips for Cartoon Kid

2011-01-13T11:57:00.005Z

Some of the original strips I drew for Cartoon Kid by Jeremy Strong published by Puffin.
These were really fun to draw (I love a Police elephant!) & was nice to be given pretty much carte blanche on the design & layout

New children's book Cartoon Kid

2011-01-13T11:39:00.008Z

Puffin have just published the first in the series of Cartoon Kid by Jeremy Strong which I done lots of pictures for. There's lots of elephants & superheroes in it so anyone who knows me will realise it's right up my street.
You can buy it (preferably) from your nice local book shop & support small local shops or else be a lazy arse & get it from t'internet

Headbutting horses...

2011-01-10T18:21:00.005Z

Drawn from an overheard conversation in a pub while a group of middle class, middle aged men attempted to 'out-street' one another by recounting dubious tales of neo-football hooliganism from their pasts.

Dog coat

2011-01-10T18:17:00.005Z

The view from my pub table - I'm always slightly peturbed by clothes on dogs*

(*see 'Things I Hate')

Penguin Dunces

2011-01-08T12:07:00.002Z

Referring to previous post I can't help feeling Penguin books might have missed a trick with this line of titles for the 'less sophisticated reader'

(PS has anyone ever seen seen a real dunce's cap apart from in the Beano? Guess it's politically incorrect to humiliate the divvy kids now?)

The Guardian - Michael Holden's All Ears 8th January

2011-01-08T09:13:00.004Z

Happy New year - after a couple of weeks of festivities I'm climbing back into my (slightly ill fitting) Freudian slip - possibly my favourite undergarment - couldn't resist the dunce penguin in the corner either...

(Article by Michael Holden)
I became surrounded on a bus by three ladies whose lunch had evidently escalated into something more sustained, causing them to abandon their cars for public transport.

Woman 1 (the most drunk) "Where does this bus go?"

Woman 2 (not drunk) "I'll tell you where to get off."

Woman 1 "When do you qualify as a psycho-whatever-it-is?"

Woman 2 "Psychotherapist. I've only just started. This is my first term."

Woman 3 (medium drunk) "Where are you doing it?"

Woman 2 " In town. The youngest person there is 21, it's quite daunting."

Woman 1 (slurring over the distinctions) "But what's the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist."

Woman 2 "A psychiatrist has more of a clinical background."

Woman 1 (delighted to have grasped that) "Right!"

Woman 2 "With therapy that's not always the case."

Woman 3 (not helping) "So at the end of the day, you'll be doing like, cognitive?"

Woman 2 "That might end up being part of it. Freud is the real distinction; he had been a medical doctor, so the psychiatrists …"

Woman 1 (interrupting) "So you can give out drugs, or is that the other lot?"

Woman 2 "Well, it's more psychiatry, the idea that the problem has a pathology to it. Therapy is different, to a degree in that …"

Woman 1 (not listening) "Well Edmund sees someone, and he's on drugs. And Peter sees someone, and he isn't on anything."

Woman 2 (bracing herself for a long journey, in every sense) "I see."

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-20T15:02:00.002Z

...& a happy New Year

clouds shaped like spaceships by Das Fluff

2010-12-11T10:41:00.000Z

Not really illustration or animation related but I play guitar for Das Flüff in between - take a look

The Guardian - Michael Holden's All Ears 11th December

2010-12-11T09:59:00.004Z

Drugs are bad, mmmmmkay? I was originally going for the 'exploding stomach'imagery but decided against it in the end...
http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2010/dec/11/michael-holden-all-ears
(Article by Michael Holden)
Recently I shared a train carriage with two people whose frank exchange of narcotic chit-chat – while not without its tragedies – was at least a break from the norm.

Woman (glad to have bumped into a mate) "I thought you was in prison!"

Man (equally surprised) "I was, I got done with one bag! Donna got off with two! They said 18 months. Then, they said if I plead guilty I'd get seven. But I didn't know nothing about it. I thought I had to do the whole lot. It was a big surprise to me when they let me out."

Woman "So what you gonna do?"

Man "I'm going on the old Naltrexone."

Woman (cautionary) "If you can be bothered every day."

Man (rueful) "I couldn't sleep for a couple of weeks."

Woman "Well you gotta stay positive. What did your mum to say about it?"

Woman "Went ballistic. Thinks I'm gonna end up like my uncle."

Woman "My area's headed for one of them things where there's not that much shit about; when the good stuff comes back people are gonna start dying."

Man "The stuff I got done with came in at 37/38% – I was quite pleased with that. Did you hear about John's foot?"

Woman "Terrible. Nightmare. He was walking about with bits of bone in his pocket!"

Man (more surprised) "Did you hear about Alannah?"

Woman (nodding) "Her stomach exploded."

Man (with contempt) "Booze."

Later on the drinks trolley came wheeling past; the couple waved it by.

Smoking Nurse

2010-12-08T13:32:00.002Z

A friend ad posted a Facebook update about visiting the smoking nurse to help him giving up fags & this was the image that came to mind...